Nature heals.

That’s what everybody around me has always said. Whenever I’ve found myself emotionally stunted the first advice my mother would give me would be “You should do some grounding. Go dip your bare feet into the grass for at least ten minutes. You’ll thank me later.” Other times, when I was suffering from the flu my father would be quick to say, “Nothing a dip in the ocean can’t fix.”

And I guess it makes sense. After all, humans are a part of nature. Why wouldn’t connecting with this extension of ourselves be good for us? If I really sat down to analyze how I felt after spending a busy day walking between tall skyscrapers and surrounded by the artifical light of screens vs how I felt after spending a day hiking in the woods, the contrast was vast. Nothing can set my mind more at rest or peace than simply watching where I step in a mountain trail, surrounded by trees, dirt, insects and birds. I can admit that my mind feels more clear whenever I spend time outside (the real outside).

So now, after being prodded for the billionth time with a needle up my arm, the stinging, sour and dizzying sensation of doxorubicin overwhelming my veins and consequently my entire being, I make a point of “going outside” to be healed by nature. Some days, feeling the thin blades of grass between my toes is enough to make the nausea go away. Other days, the sensation of the sun’s vibrant rays is enough to make me want to crawl into a self-pitying hole and die.

Cancer isn’t something that nature heals. Ironically enough, cancer is just as much a part of nature as I am. It’s nothing more than a mutation in my own body. No amount of dipping myself in sea water or sinking into a grassy landscape will unmutate the broken cells of my body. Yet I still let myself get taken away by the simple sensations of being immersed in nature. Not necessarily because I believe it will make me suddenly healthy again but more so because it makes me feel like I am one with the world.

Even though I was given my own expiration date a few months back, I do not feel like my life is slipping away from my fingers. In fact, I have never been more in control and more present before. I have no rush to get to the future so I enjoy the present with a fervent passion. I see beauty all around me. I feel it too. I rejoice in the sensations that nature gifts me every day: a light warm summer breeze, the content chirping of birds, the color of leaves, the smell of grass, the silky satin of water.

Our planet is constantly gifting us with beauty. Nature does heal. Not in the sense that it can remove diseases from you entirely but in a much better way. Nature heals by allowing humans to escape from the surreal world we have made for ourselves. It connects us to the most primitive, sensitive and awake parts of ourselves.

The next time I walk by a dark, muddy pond of grass I will give into my childish whims and simply jump into it. I will dip my fingers into its molten soil, let the grass tickle my skin, get the dirt stuck between my nails. I will do it all because it will just bring me closer to myself. It will heal me.