Hey 👋🏽
“Yet there is still a goal I most
accomplished”—feels a little out of sync.
Perhaps:
“Yet there is still a goal I must
accomplish” —or
“Yet there is still a goal I lust
Accomplished.”—for the sake of framing righteousness—or creating blurry lines, ‘lust’ in ‘this instance’ might throw up more conflict. 😋 🤔But you get my drift?
There are a few ways you could go to match the tone of this piece.
(Perhaps capitalise Earth?)
Intriguing: We don’t know if this character is justified in their vengeance, which compounds a moral dilemma. Are we justified in our condemnation of any of these characters?
The mention of “Families” and “crushed” evokes empathy—softens the reader. The words “Families” and “People” also humanise the characters in-line for ‘a crushing’ and in doing so ‘throws shade’ on the speaker of the poem.
I like the development of plot, in as much as the unravelling of that very demanding underlying question…
Who is really good and who is really bad?— It highlights that we ‘don’t know Jack’ without the whole story’—we can’t conclude a thing! And in that, there is ‘vulnerability’.
I like the conflict created by juxtaposing ‘thankfulness’ with ‘vengeance.’ Makes for an evocative piece! 🙌🏼
Well done Charles Battles! 👏🏼👏🏼
