I…Am…Grateful

Crime, mystery & thriller

Poetry

I am thankful Thankful for the air that I am allowed to breathe I am happy Happy that the people around me are smiling I am grateful Grateful that thy earth I stand on is still intact Yet there is still a goal I must accomplished Revenge I must take People I have to make suffer Families I must crush So I am Thankful that they are still alive Happy I can still have a chance Grateful that I have the ability to take air That they are allowed to breathe So I say to this earth that’s still intact For today I am grateful for your patience

Comments 4

Fragglet

3 years ago

Hey 👋🏽

“Yet there is still a goal I most

accomplished”—feels a little out of sync.

Perhaps:

“Yet there is still a goal I must

accomplish” —or

“Yet there is still a goal I lust

Accomplished.”—for the sake of framing righteousness—or creating blurry lines, ‘lust’ in ‘this instance’ might throw up more conflict. 😋 🤔But you get my drift?

There are a few ways you could go to match the tone of this piece.

(Perhaps capitalise Earth?)

Intriguing: We don’t know if this character is justified in their vengeance, which compounds a moral dilemma. Are we justified in our condemnation of any of these characters?

The mention of “Families” and “crushed” evokes empathy—softens the reader. The words “Families” and “People” also humanise the characters in-line for ‘a crushing’ and in doing so ‘throws shade’ on the speaker of the poem.

I like the development of plot, in as much as the unravelling of that very demanding underlying question…

Who is really good and who is really bad?— It highlights that we ‘don’t know Jack’ without the whole story’—we can’t conclude a thing! And in that, there is ‘vulnerability’.

I like the conflict created by juxtaposing ‘thankfulness’ with ‘vengeance.’ Makes for an evocative piece! 🙌🏼

Well done Charles Battles! 👏🏼👏🏼

Charles Battles

New to the show :) would love the feedback