If God loves me then why do I feel like this?

If Jesus died feeling all of our pain then why do I still have to go through it

alone?

You’ll answer with “trials are tests of strength and faith”

You’ll answer with “you have to act in faith to receive blessings”

You’ll answer with “all you have to do is ask for help”

I know

I have

I do

Every night as I can’t sleep I pray that tomorrow will be better

I pray that we will feel connected

I pray that I’ll get to see you soon

I pray that it won’t hurt

It doesn’t work

Nothing works

I do as I’m told I pray, I read, I ponder, I listen

Why isn’t it enough?

What more does He want from me?

Do I need to leave my life behind like you did yours?

Do I need to be cut off from everyone all but one day a week?

I can’t do that

I don’t have the strength for that

I don’t know if I have the strength for this

I miss you

I love you

You miss me

You love me

Why is it that God’s love trumps all?

Why is it that God’s love hurts above all?

If this is how He shows His love, I don’t know if I want it.