The bag hits the other end of the table, against the wall, with a thud. The hooded figure across from me peers inside carefully, as if a snake might jump out from inside and bite him.

“Where the hell did you find this?!” He asks.

“The corner store.” I reply, making a “GIVE ME MY MONEY” gesture with my hands.

“…really?”

“No, stupid. I murdered a guy and stole it off his rotting corpse.”

The hooded figure looks up abruptly, and I can practically see the fear drawn on his face.

Jokes on him, I actually DID get it from the corner store.

He swallows, gathering the bag in his hands and stands to leave. I stop him, holding one arm outstretched towards the booth of the restaurant, acting as a shield.

“Nope. Money.”

“Fine.” He pulls, seemingly out of thin air, another bag. Inside is a glistening array of jewels and gold, and I’m astonished.

“Where the hell did you find THIS?!” I ask.

The hooded figure just looks at me before saying, “The corner store, obviously.”

“…really?” I ask, regretting it the moment the words leave my mouth.

“No, I robbed a family, killed them afterwards.”

“What the hell’s WRONG with you?!”

“Wasn’t fun doing business with you, I won’t be leaving a review.” He says as he walks away, his long black cloak swaying with every step.

“Yeah, well, I won’t be leaving a review on the Shady Stangers You Sell Egregious Goods To website!”

“Not a thing,” he calls over his shoulder.

“Will BE a thing!” I call back.

“No.”

“Yes!”