I nervously watched as Detective Anders reviewed the manilla folder in his hands. His eyes moved from left to right, his mouth doing rapid movements as he read the information. Detective Anders was young, he looked to be my age, maybe a little bit older and at certain angles, he looked younger. He eventually closed the folder and placed it on the table, and that’s when he brought his focus to me.

“So, I’m just going to cut to the chase, Mr. Evans. We found the body of Mr. Gutierrez at the Mountain Liquor parking lot this morning, and with him, we found your DNA.” He paused, looking at my face, assessing the damages. “And judging by your physical appearance, I think it’s very safe to assume that you have a good idea of what happened. So with that said, I’d like to hear your story.”

I nodded my head and lowered my eyes, biting my lower lip out of anxiety. This was a bad spot, one that I never thought I’d be involved in. The incident from last night had been playing on a constant loop. I knew what happened, and I had a feeling that Detective Anders knew as well. I was a horrible liar, friends and family were able to pinpoint a fib of mine from a mile away. I knew that I was as good as dead with a trained professional sitting in the same room as me. The Detective said nothing, and that made me all the more nervous. He simply sat there, leaning back in his flimsy chair, hands folded on his slight hump of a belly. I took a deep breath and let my thoughts gather.

I saw no reason to lie.

“I got to Mountain Liquor around 1:55 and I felt like a jerk. I knew that the cashier was going to hate me for coming in so late, but I’d had a hard day and I was out of beer.”

“Why did you have a hard day Mr. Evans?”

I shrugged my shoulders and shook my head. The bruises on my face groaning in pain, I could feel the cut on my forehead pulsate.

“Just a bad day at work, you know? Just one of those days.”

Detective Anders nodded his head, signaling for me to continue.

“So. I walk in and right away I can see that the cashier hates me. I could hear him groan as I make my way to the beer. I tell him that I’d only be a second, and I was. I grab what I want and head straight to him, I pay with card. I knew the guy was in a rush because he turned off the television and cut the music as my receipt was printing. He actually locks up and leaves with me, sets the alarm, everything. I think it’s strange, but I don’t think anything of it. I tell him thanks for helping me and he says nothing, he gets in his car which is parked right in front of the shop, and is gone before I’m even off the sidewalk.”

“I’ve had my run-ins with that Dwight.” Anders shrugged his shoulders. “Sounds like him.”

“Right. So, Dwight is gone before any of this happens.” I take a deep breath, and clear my throat. I close my eyes and even that makes my face hurt.

“From the corner of my eye, I can see someone coming up to me on what appears to be a scooter. Right away I know that this guy is going to be a problem. I see my car, which is deeper in the parking lot, and I immediately regret not parking closer. I flash a glance at the guy and I see that he’s riding a purple scooter with pink handlebars, and the bars have those glittery tassels coming out of them, and that confirms my suspicions that he’s going to be an issue. I fast walk to my car, my hand reaching for my keys to have it unlocked as soon as possible. And he says…” I stop, everything from the previous night is playing out like a horrifying cinema reel, with myself as the only attendant. At that moment the damage on my face feels fresher than ever.

“Take your time, Mr. Evans,” Anders said calmly.

“He says: Hey man, where you off too? I didn’t make eye contact, I just said: Looking to get home. The car unlocks, I throw the beer into the passenger’s seat and he says: Hey man, asking you a question. And I don’t know why but I turned around, I thought that maybe he wanted money, which looking back I didn’t have.”

The inside of my head starts to hurt again. I could almost feel the blood running down my face as it did last night.

“I turn around to ask him what he wants and before I can even get the words out, he hits me with a right…and he hits me hard. I lose my balance, and before I can even react he hits me with a left. And he just keeps hitting me. Eventually, I stumble and fall backward, at that point, I realize that I’m bleeding because I can’t see him because of the blood in my eyes. He screams: Don’t answer me like that. He stands over me and just keeps punching me. At some point, I reach into my pocket for the knife that I carry with me.”

“Why do you carry a pocket knife?” Interjected Anders.

I shrugged my shoulders. “Well. I know that I don’t live in the best area. I’d had a friend who was attacked, not close to where I live, but attacked regardless. That prompted me to buy a knife. Just one of those pocket knives that flip open. Never thought I’d have to use it.”

Anders nods. “Continue.”

“So he keeps hitting me, I pull the knife out flip it open, and just lunge forward. I don’t know what I’m lunging towards, not sure if I’m gonna even make contact. And to be honest I didn’t even think the knife would do damage. I bought the thing for fifteen bucks…never intended to use it. I didn’t even know I stabbed him until he hit me a few more times, eventually, I feel something warm wash over my stomach. And that’s when I realized I’d stabbed him.”

Anders is leaning against the wall. Hands in his pocket, biting his lower lip, his expression not changing but I know that he’s assessing my story.

“He stands up, his hands on his stomach and his hands are covered in blood. It takes me a moment to realize that I’d not only stabbed him but that I’d cut him open from left to right. Eventually, I realize that he’s fighting to keep his intestines inside. He looks at me for a second, shocked, and then he just falls to the ground.”

There were a few things that I couldn’t tell Anders.

I didn’t know when I’d stabbed him, but looking back I knew that I did because I can still hear the sound as clear as day, it sounded like a knife cutting through a ripe pear.

It was the moonlight that made me notice his intestines because it reflected off of his insides.

And I can still hear the sound of his head hitting the concrete. To me, it sounded like a basketball being dropped to the floor.

“He begs me to help him. He starts to cry, pleading for me to do something. I get to my feet, and I can’t even stand straight. I brace myself on my car, wipe the blood off my face. I search for my phone before realizing that I’d left it at home. After all, I thought I’d be gone for ten minutes tops.”

I stopped, letting my thoughts catch up to me. Even then, I knew there was nothing I could do. I knew that in that moment I’d killed a man. At 2 am, there was no one in that parking lot but us. Not a car drove by on the main road, and even if they did I wouldn’t have been able to flag them down.

“He continued to beg for my help. I didn’t even think to check his pockets for his cell I couldn’t bring myself to look at him, I didn’t know what to do. So I got in my car and went home.”

Anders remained against the wall. He nodded his head, his eyes not leaving mine, and then he returned to his seat at the table.

“To me. This sounds like self-defense. It looks like self-defense.” Anders paused and thought about his next words. “For now. I’m going to need you to relax. You’re not out of the woods yet Mr. Evans, not by a long shot. Prepare for a long day…but I’ll do my best to make sure that you’re comfortable.