Jared glanced down at the flyer he clutched in his hands. Bright, professional letters read: ‘Make close friends now! Ask me how!’ It was an obvious scam, and he knew that, but that didn’t prevent him from paying the ridiculous price for the course. His tax return felt better spent on booze. At least booze wasn’t mean, it just made you mean.

The woman who sold the course went by the handle Margaret Matcher on social media. That wasn’t her name but Jared supposed ‘Jillian Bartuzky’ didn’t have the same ring. She had promised him that she would help him make five close friends, closer than he’d ever had, in just one month. Well he didn’t have any friends, so anything was an improvement. Jared wasn’t overly unattractive or annoying, he was just one of those people you passed in a crowd, forgotten.

She had convinced him when she grabbed his hand and squeezed it. Her hands were so soft and radiated kindness. Margaret had arranged a bizarre form of speed dating where people were quickly introduced to Jared based on the interests he gave to the course seller. He had no idea where she found the people, but they were real, and they all showed up. He felt like he’d endured some sort of human zoo where people were brought by to gawk, leer, and smirk at him.

Somehow after it was all said and done exactly five people wanted to be his friend. It had worked like a charm, at least he thought it had, until they’d stopped responding to messages less than a week later, or outright refused to hang out more than once. Jared found out from one of the friends that Margaret had paid them off to cover her end of the bargain. He was crushed, but more than anything he was pissed.

He confronted Margaret Matcher and she conceded the truth immediately. She went further by saying that he was hopeless, and a charity case like him should have been grateful anyone spent any time with him, paid or not.

That was two weeks ago. Luckily after some cajoling and convincing, Margaret had agreed to be his friend. The other five had come around as well.

They had all decided to move in with Jared to live together, at least parts of them did. One head, one torso, one pelvis, two legs, and Margaret’s soft, soft hands, though she just lets him call her Jilli nowadays.

He stapled the flyer under wooden wall hanging that his friend has been assembled onto. It would be a funny memory for them both. He clutched his friend’s hand and smiled. This was the start of something wonderful.