I remember it like it was yesterday. We were having a party at our place and invited the usual friends: Erica, Ian, Charlie, Taylor. We had just finished dinner and were having glasses of wine and chatting. It was just the three of us with you and me sitting next to each other and Erica sitting across from us at our island. We had so much fun that night. 

Erica ended up telling us a story about this guy she met recently. “-and I was driving down the street, looking around like… Where is this guy, you know what I mean? It wasn’t until I rounded the corner that I realized he was at the wrong restaurant.” We laughed, it was crazy how Erica always found these oddball guys off of Tinder and Hinge. That’s when she asked us: the question that put us on this path in the first place. “So, Emily, what about you? How did you and Jake meet?” We both laughed, and I looked over at you smiling. It was such a wonderful story, but one that we had told a thousand times. 

“Well, do you want to tell it, or should I?” you asked. 

I thought for a moment. Usually I was the one to tell the story, so I said “No, honey, you tell it. It’s much better when you say it anyway.” You were in the hot seat, and you always did this cute little squirm in your seat when I put you there. Then you gave me that smirk you always made when you had something up your sleeve. I started to look over you and I was thinking about all of the little quirks that you had, and how at this point in our relationship, I felt like I had them all memorized. But I could feel something was different. 

Your smirk melted away and your eyes started to lose their glow. You were looking a million miles away, as if you were uncertain of where you were and what was happening. I tapped you on the shoulder and you didn’t respond. I started to get nervous, so I looked out of the window you were looking through, but there was nothing out there. I grabbed your hand and shook it, and for a moment I had you back. You looked at me. “I-I’m sorry Em, I don’t think I remember.”

To say that I was shocked would be… Well, it would be an understatement. I was appalled. I looked at Erica with my jaw open like she would know the answer, then looked over at the rest of the party. They could feel the energy shift and were looking over at the three of us. I couldn’t believe it. We told this story more times than we could count. I laughed it off for a second. “Of course you do, baby. C’mon, with the ice cream truck?” Your face scrunched up, and your jaw became set like the strain of finding that memory was physically hurting you.

I remember my frustration. I couldn’t believe you had forgotten something that pivotal to our relationship! Then I grew worried. Were you seeing someone else? Was the spark starting to go out on us? Then I became angry. Why are you making this my fault? This is what you do all the time, you mess something up and then you make it my problem. I was sick of it!

As if you felt all of my emotions through me, you reached over and held my hand. “Honey, you’re not listening. I _can’t _remember.” I processed what you were saying and ran it through my head a few times. What does it mean to be incapable of remembering something? 

“So… you don’t even have the context?”

“No. It’s like it has just disappeared out of my brain entirely.”

I was unaware that I was leaning forward in my seat until I had pulled myself all the way back into it. That’s when I realized. That’s when I realized that something was wrong.