There is no such thing as leaving someone you love. Its not like you picked something over them or like you stopped loving them. Its more like it hurts too much, definitely more to love them, than not to love them. And then its time to go.

Let me tell you my story, years ago i found my true love. It was an unexpected evening, i had no idea that this day in particular, that this evening to remember was going to be the moment to fall in love. Previous days, i was reading a quote that said the “you shouldnt want to find love and chace it, instead you must become love”. I truly belive that and with thr tranquility that only good measures and self-love can provide, i was blindly walking towards him.

At the moment when we met, there were other handsome men around, but i remember very distinctly knowing that i chose him. The one with thr glasses, the curly brownish red hair. I knew there was something about him. And after talking the entire night, i couldn’t stop loving him. When love comes to you, you follow it. And i did, oh i really did.

Like any couple we had our ups and downs, hut understanding each other’s depthnes because our mastery. There was so much to tell to the person who you were waiting your entore life. Is like catching up a long time friend, something so thrilling that it does not care about the mere minutes passing by. Our love is measured in centuries. Centuries of people who have loved in the past, honoring the stories of others with our touch. Honoring beauty and all that makes art beautiful -yes, the most powerful force of the world.

And there was me. Years later, changing her all life upside down to accomodate to a love that represents to me the closest thing to magic. Thinking to myself, comparing myself to the biggest feminist philosophers, and picturing them mocking me for even contemplating smiling to a man i love. Filled with fears driven by phrases such as “you need to pur yourself first”, “make sure you are not sacrificing everything”, “marriage is the biggest decision you’ll ever make”. And i, i go and say FUCK OFF. Fuck off because you dont know what the love i am feeling feels like. Fuck off because you don’t understand that i live for this love. Fuck off because i am not dumb and dont treat me like i am. I am not sacrificing “too much”, what does that even mean? I am not wanting to cancel myself completely, becaue I know the day i dont have my own back and love myself i cannot be the best person i can, and therefore the partner I want to be for him. Fuck off brain, because yes, I CANT PLAN FOR EVERY HORRIBLE SCENARIO YOU CAN COME UP WITH. And fuck off the evening that i met him, because if i had known how hard it is to love somebody, i would have never experienced it.

But thank you, because all worries means there is care love and something important there.