I knew it was getting bad again

when the war between waking up and getting up was an uphill battle

When your words would repeat

And I’d catch a different tone

Finding some hidden meaning

I knew it got worse when

I stopped caring if my clothes looked friendly

If I was being blunt

Or if the work just didn’t get done

Because I’ve got hundreds of unfinished projects

Half ideas

And poems left untitled

But the truth is

I don’t know how to stop my mind

When I blink and the day disappears to night

When my face is full of blemishes

And your words hold so much weight

I would love to tell you I’m not a hypocrite

That I didn’t spend an hour plucking and pinching my face

That I didn’t stop wearing yellow

That I’m taking time out for myself

But I’d be lying

Because it’s not all picture perfect

Hot chocolate at sunset

Pilate classes and yoga mats

When the sun is gone by 2pm

Maybe look for the smaller things

Even If it’s just a pretty research page

Collecting kinder eggs

Or making paper rings

String them together creating fairy lights of happiness

And I’ll be trying my best to be doing the same