Life without you seems so far away.
It seems like I wont know how to go on.
What are the next steps to Love?
Life without you is challenging or is it?
Life without you feels like a wrecking ball smashing into my rib cage, destroying every piece of me. Life without you. Life without you will be Healing. Life without you will be Peace. Life without you will be Joy. Happiness. Life without you will be different, but life without you is Necessary.
If the structure is meant to be dramatic then well done, seems like the poem shows the writers’ thought process of “life without them” and that’s pretty unique. I think when asking a writers (self) question it should also be able to read as the writer asking the reader a question.
Great poem nonetheless!
THANK YOU TOM!
Nice first piece, Barrium! I like how the tone changes throughout the piece - first of all feeling sad and negative about it and slowly becoming more optimistic.
I would have loved a bit more detail about the reason for that change in tone. If the narrator has a revelation or a change of heart, it should be a little clear of the bigger picture for the reader.
I see you used the simile of the wrecking ball which is quite original. I would have liked to see you expand on that with some more literal and figurative language - avoiding cliches if possible, which is always difficult when describing love and emotion.
I look forward to seeing more of your writing :)