I read the text so many times, believing I was reading between the lines. I had to be dreaming, having a nightmare that felt vividly.

The words were true, they’re in black and white; my heart breaking in two as if that is what you were trying to do.

What could I do? What words could I say? What phone call could I make to make that message go away? What else could I give you to show I never would keep you from the goals you made?

I offered so much to you, gave you everything, how could it not have been enough? No matter what you said in your bullshit text, this isn’t best for me. This is best for you, since it was so easy to drop me, guess all your promises and hope you gave was for your own gain.

I should be fine by now, I should be moving on but I found a photo of you and spent the night crying myself to sleep. My bed is the only thing that holds me when I’m missing your arms.

Music filling my ears when I’m missing your voice and my phone silent when I I fight myself from reaching out.

Food doesn’t pass my lips and my stomach knots when I think of a memory and our last kiss. Coffee is all that I drink, keeping me awake, afraid to sleep at night so my dreams of us don’t haunt me.

Every breath is agony, my limbs feel heavy; you made me fall in love, then you walked away. Every morning I wake, I wish to fall back into the dream that you decided to stay.

I gave everything, now I have nothing left for me. I don’t know how to get back what I willingly signed over to you. I trusted you and that was a mistake, you were the one who I thought would never leave now I’m grabbing a brush to paint a fool on my face.

I’m struggling to move on and I’m stuck looking back at everything you did and said. I’m trying to learn from this but damn does it burn. You were on a different path, I simply got caught up believing you would change your destination to include me. The only lie I fell for was my own.

You’re gone, you left, you didn’t stay. I thought you would give us a better chance, I thought you would at least try. Silly fucking me for thinking you would. I wasn’t your priority, simply a well known stranger along for the ride.

At least I can say I tried, I tried to be open and make things work; I was understanding, I encouraged you, became your cheerleader; your pillow when you forgot to sleep, your calming nights when your days were chaos. I gave you space when you needed it; you had all my attention and affection, I showed you the loyalty you never had.

It is taking my all not to beg you to come back, I have to understand that isn’t going to be my job. I can’t keep holding on to the hope you’re going to realize how stupid you were.

Sure, I’m hurting far more that you will know or understand because of your decision; I don’t have as many distractions as you do, so of course I’m still loving you.

I can’t keep holding onto the hope that you killed with that simple text. I’m going to find someone who will actually fight for me, who will actually move mountains to be with me.

Though a part of my heart will always have your name, I’m taking the rest back and will give it to someone else who will actually keep the promises they made.