childhood

growing up

in slavery

is no life

for a child

braver mothers

than her

protected

through suffocation

five years

old they’re

put

to work

ten years

old they join

the calloused

field hands

sold at one

sold at five

sold at seven

sold at ten

black families

incorrigibly torn apart

at the

jagged seams

vast black families

torn apart by

inhuman

white families

copulation

beautiful curves

meant to be

explored after

jumping the broom

hills and

mountains and

bumps and

fleshy ridges

a treasure map

leading to

cavernous ecstasy

to be delved

into with her

passionate consent

innocence stolen

grotto now caved in

x no longer marking

the spot

ten months

of growth

twenty-four hours

of parturition

a mulatto created

in hate

her mammy

further anathematized

by her alabaster

gift from god

discovering the

fine line between

love and hate

nourishment

carolyn’s birth produced

milk in her mammy

but that milk was

for master’s white daughter,

not his mulatto slave

nourished with cow milk

and dirty water

carolyn was the

runt of the pack

somehow carolyn

survived infancy

and every day

she curses her existence

only half of

enslaved infants

survived their first

year of infancy

her mammy said she

should thank god

but what kind of god

would make his children

suffer this way?

not any god

carolyn wants

to know

god

allah

jehovah

el shaddai

elohim

the god

the holiest

god almighty

the god of Israel

no matter

the name

he abandoned them

just the same

the white god’s

white christianity used

as a tool for

control

ham and canaan

used to justify

the unjust

liberation

house slave

at five

orphaned

at seven

the grave

the only refuge

for the enslaved

thirty-five and

tired of breathing

tired of suffering

tired of surviving

carolyn’s mammy

ran to her cabin

found the coin

she’d stolen from the missus

swallowed it

and jumped into the river

the coin blocking

her airways

the human instinct

to survive

failing against

carolyn’s mammy’s

fight to die

suicide

the path to

the ultimate

freedom