childhood growing up in slavery is no life for a child braver mothers than her protected through suffocation five years old they’re put to work ten years old they join the calloused field hands sold at one sold at five sold at seven sold at ten black families incorrigibly torn apart at the jagged seams vast black families torn apart by inhuman white families copulation beautiful curves meant to be explored after jumping the broom hills and mountains and bumps and fleshy ridges a treasure map leading to cavernous ecstasy to be delved into with her passionate consent innocence stolen grotto now caved in x no longer marking the spot ten months of growth twenty-four hours of parturition a mulatto created in hate her mammy further anathematized by her alabaster gift from god discovering the fine line between love and hate nourishment carolyn’s birth produced milk in her mammy but that milk was for master’s white daughter, not his mulatto slave nourished with cow milk and dirty water carolyn was the runt of the pack somehow carolyn survived infancy and every day she curses her existence only half of enslaved infants survived their first year of infancy her mammy said she should thank god but what kind of god would make his children suffer this way? not any god carolyn wants to know god allah jehovah el shaddai elohim the god the holiest god almighty the god of Israel no matter the name he abandoned them just the same the white god’s white christianity used as a tool for control ham and canaan used to justify the unjust liberation house slave at five orphaned at seven the grave the only refuge for the enslaved thirty-five and tired of breathing tired of suffering tired of surviving carolyn’s mammy ran to her cabin found the coin she’d stolen from the missus swallowed it and jumped into the river the coin blocking her airways the human instinct to survive failing against carolyn’s mammy’s fight to die suicide the path to the ultimate freedom