As I sit in this dark unforgiving room, no where to go I think about all the things that led me here. All the conversations, all the actions, all the thoughts, everything led to this place of solitude and here I am stuck not sure where to go. I’ve had enough just sitting here, so I get up and start to walk around trying to find a wall with my arms stretched out in front of me. One small hesitant step after another trying not to trip over my toes. As I walk for what seems like hours I find a small light illuminating two doors for me to choose one. I sit and think when a voice come out “once you choose one you can’t turn back, but you can always come to find it again as this journey goes on.” I look around still in pitch black I don’t dare to tell out to see who it was. My gut tells me to take the left door but my mind is fighting and telling me to take the right door. Who do I follow? My guy never leads me wrong but the mind is the logical thinker right? I close my eyes and spin in a circle and go up to a door as I open my eyes I’m in a hallway with doors lining it. I start to walk inspecting each door, they all have a small number on them with plaques but the plaques are blank. “You won’t know what the rooms are by those until you go in, in this place you always end up here again but you have to make it through the room first and then the name will come to the plaque.” I turn around to see a tall male behind me, I jump and scream as I was just expecting a voice again. “What do you mean by I have to make it through the room?” I ask. He shakes his head indicating no, “ I am not allowed to answer that you must go through to see what you need to. I am just here for informational purposes. Be safe I’ll here when you’re finished.” He replies as he disappears right in front of me. I choose the door in front of me as I open the door I read the number 7 and continue to walk forward. It black but starting to come to light, it a baby I think it’s me, I’m in my cradle watching the spindal over my bed rotate with the little animals a small lullaby playing, a humming is coming from the corner I smile and look over to see my mother just watching me making sure I’m ok. As I just stare in awe something comes from the corner above her staring at me with the most coldest stare a little me could feel it creeps down behind her as I start to cry. Mom gets up to come check on me but the thing is still in the corner now sitting in her chair, as mom picks me up it darts forward and graces my face with it’s hand before disappearing into her. The once warm and caring stare she had is now gone and she just looks at me as I cry harder. She puts me down and leaves that was the last time I saw her after that. Dad came home a while later and heard me crying but before he got to me I heard him scream. I walk through the door now looking from the outside of my baby form. He’s on the floor sobbing looking into his room, I walk to him and put my hand on his shoulder and look over. Mom is hanging from the ceiling cold and lifeless, I see the thing in the corner now laughing taunting me and dad. I closed my eyes and ended up back in the hall of doors. The plaque now says “mothers anniversary”. I didn’t think I could go on but I had to push through the next door. I choose door 15, It looks like I’m in middle school in class. I got handed a note it’s just a bunch of scribble, I try to focus to see what’s on the paper not able to make a word out but as I look up there are tears in my eyes as the room is laughing. Even though I couldn’t read the words it broke my heart I was confused on what was going on. As I looked down again the paper finally came to sight “who would ever love someone as ugly as you? Your own mother couldn’t even stand looking at you...” I should have given it to the teacher but instead I crumbled it up and threw it away and called my dad to come and pick me up from school, the whole time trying not to cry the car ride home. I saw the disappointment in his face as he looked at me. I went up to my room and locked my door, I crawled into the closet and hid in the darkness hoping my sorrows would just leave my body. As I closed my eyes I came back to the hall of doors and the plaque now reads “first bully”. I always remembered that day like the back of my hand. I take a seat for a moment to collect my thoughts not sure how much more I can take. I stand up dusting myself off letting all the emotions release from me. I go to door 16 and push it open, as I enter I was back in school freshman year I can tell by the clothes I’m wearing. After I leave school I head to work and I I took the long way this week just because I was going to be early. As I walked down the ally cutting to work a group of guys approached me they were all from school I tried to ignore them and keep walking that’s when the main boy grabbed my arm and threw me against the wall. I hit my head up against the wall and everything went bright then dark. When I woke up my clothes had been torn and my pants were off, blood was coming from places that it shouldn’t have been at least not then it wasn’t that time yet. I had missed ten phone calls from my boss at work and he left at least three messages threatening to take fire me that day. I walked into work and he looked over at me then drugged me to the back room. “What in the hell happened to you? Do you have a change of clothes? Can I call someone?” I told him I was fine that I was going to put my work uniform on and get to work and I apologized all night for being late. Towards the end of my shift I ended up blacking out and then waking up in the hospital. The doctors had run many tests on me and done a rape kit. I jolt up and told them not to run the kit I couldn’t live with that and they looked at me hesitantly and said they already gave it to the police. I laid back as they told me I had a severe concussion and I needed to stay in the hospital for a couple days for examinations. They also told me that if the bleeding didn’t stop by tomorrow I would need surgery to cauterize the wounds. Finally the police came in and asked me some questions and I refused to answer them on any of it trying to avoid the consequences at school not knowing that the state would pick up my case and take it into their own hands. They sent the police to the school and pulled the five boys out of class. They walked them out of the school in handcuffs and then everyone’s phone started to ring. That’s when the video and pictures got out, I was blamed for it all everything that they had to go through but no one ever wonder what it was like for me. After that all the boys started rumors against me and I decided to just stay home more often then not always taking the fast way to work. I gave up on my life by then keeping everything to myself. I took a deep breath and ended in the hall once more. Up against the wall I have one more door to go before I’m finished. I go through the next door to see what awaits me I examine the door, Door 17 here we come. I step through the door to see my old house I’m up in my room listening to my music crying again, I did that a lot since mom died. I hadn’t heard dad come home, he’d been out late until the sunrise we all knew where he was those nights down at the bar drinking. He bursted into my room breaking my door from its hinges, he ripped my headphones off my head and started yelling at me. “This is all your fault, if it wasn’t for you your mother would be here. Your mother is dead because she decided to have you and instead of you dying she died in your place. You’re a pathetic excuse for a daughter.” He’d turn away and go back to his room to lay down as I sat on my bed balling my eyes out, he really hadn’t been the same for years especially around mother’s death. This day in particular was a mild day, dad was usually worse depending on what he was drinking. But most days he would come home to leave bruises, and tell me how worthless I am. Little did he know I was used to all this due to school, the kids there weren’t so nice about anything. The girls would hit me and start fights just because I wouldn’t fight back, the boys spread rumors about me after I rejected them just because I didn’t want anyone to meet my dad. I even changed my emergency contact to a stranger just because I knew they wouldn’t answer the phone. Often times I’d sit in the bathroom with the door locked crying in the shower with a razor blade next to me waiting to see if the next one would be my last one. Oh how I hoped the next one would be the last one, but after many attempts it all failed. I knew I was meant to stay but I decided I wouldn’t let it stay this way. I would leave school and go to work I even begged my boss to let me work doubles just so I didn’t have to go home and deal with my alcoholic father. I eventually got enough money for a car and I took off, I dropped out of school and left town. My father didn’t even notice I had left he was probably happier by then anyways. Eventually I got a call from the police telling me my father had passed away at home, they asked me to come home so they could talk. I came back and they informed me they found him at the bottom of the stairs and needed some information. We talked for awhile and they eventually ruled it as an accident. I refused to go to the house and I went back to where I was staying. I hired some people to come in and clean it and get it ready for sale. I left all the furniture and everything it eventually sold and I let it stay in my past. By then my alcoholic father couldn’t do anything and I was relieved by this. Just then I was pulled back to the hall of doors, I was crying silently as I read the plaque “Father Alcoholism”. It’s funny that day wasn’t even that bad of a memory I was happy he was gone. I walked to the last door of the hallway door 20 and opened it. It was after I had the money from my fathers house I decided to open my own business, it was the best feeling in the world. I got to do what I loved most in my life which was running my own flower shop. In the first months of it opening it was slow but once it picked up things were flying out of stock like no other. I hired in some people by then and we were a little family in there we’d go out after work and just enjoy what we had. That’s when I met him, I didn’t know he was going to be there and to be fair I never thought I’d meet someone like him. He was tall, with dark hair and the bluest of eyes anyone could imagine. He had come over to get some drinks for his friend but he got lost in conversation with me. Eventually we were the only ones around. I had told him about my company and he told me about his. We talked about our friends and our pasts. Eventually he walked me home it was the best walk of my life. We had discussed all kinds of things of what our hopes and dreams would be, and when we made it back he asked to see me again we exchanged phone numbers and talked the rest of the night. We went on many dates after that, about a year later is when he proposed to me and we had the wedding only a couple months later. Things were changing for both of us and we couldn’t have been happier. As I closed my eyes I was back at the hallway reading the plaque “changes”. I smiled and turned to see the man behind me. “I see you made it through your rooms like you were supposed to.” He says as I start to nod my head in agreement. “In this hallways was all the struggles you were meant to go through to get this kind of change in life. But one thing that changed all of this was what you had done to be here to have to walk through all these rooms. You finally made your last cut and it had brought you here. Even when happy you still let the sadness win your battle and to that my dear I’m sorry and I will kiss the wounds if you’d like to go home to live out better days from here.” He gently said while holding my hands. As I nodded my head with tears running down my face he lifted my arms to his lips and I woke in a hospital bed with my husband beside me, tears filling my eyes I let out a sigh of relief. He kisses my forehead as I tell him about my experience, he smiles and says “that’s how you heal from the wounds.”.