Dear Diary,

Sun snuck through the blinds this morning, painting stripes on my bedspread like always. Except, usual mornings meant racing downstairs for breakfast with enough time to catch the bus with trinity. Now, the quiet sunshine just makes the hollowness of the day feel bigger.

School. I miss it, the sound of chattering friends and the smell of old text books. Honestly, I even miss the disgusting lunch food. At least I could hold food down back then. But a selfish part of me is glad I can't go anymore. Remember when Jessica told everyone I had a cootie-catching disease in second grade? Now, with my hair gone and this weird machine next to my bed, I know it would be a million times worse. Everybody would really think I was a freak if they could see me now.

The worst part is feeling like a stranger in my own body. Putting on clothes used to be fun, picking out the perfect outfit for the day. Today, even my favorite pajamas felt like oversized sacks, and my legs wouldn't cooperate when I tried to get dressed. Breakfast was even harder. Toast tasted like cardboard, and every sip of juice felt like sandpaper on my throat. But I took small bites, tiny victories for Dad, who sat across from me, his eyes filled with a sadness I can't seem to chase away. I hate that I cause my parents so much pain and sadness. They’re always praying, hoping I’ll get better someday. I don’t have the heart to tell them that I don’t think I ever will.

The day melted into a blur of medicine, needles, and forced naps. I used to dream of being a vet, my days filled with furry friends and the happy sounds of puppy dogs barking. Now, the most excitement I get is a butterfly that flits past my window for a second. But she never stays for very long.

Sometimes, a heavy feeling washes over me, like a storm cloud squeezing the air out of my chest. Today, it came hard, stealing my breath. But then, my eyes fell on the jar beside my bed, the one Trinity gave me. Remember, Trin? My big sis, with her messy bun and laugh that could light up a room. She told me whenever I felt sad, to write down a wish, fold it into a tiny star, and whisper it inside. She promised that someday, they would all come true.

Tonight, my wish is to fly away with the birds. To soar above the clouds, a free spirit without a care in the world. It may seem silly, but I know there has to be more than this out there somewhere.

Gotta go, Diary. I need to fold this page into a perfect little star and whisper my wish before I forget.

Maybe tomorrow, I'll wish to be a vet again.

Love Always,

Sadie