Addressed to:

Kevin Tambor - Freshman, Dimension Zero

c/o Virginia Tech School of Performing Arts

247 Henderson Hall

Blacksburg, VA

24060

Dear Kevin,

The thing that they don't make public knowledge is that when you shift from dimension to dimension, things happen. History changes. Physics isn't always governed by the laws you know and love. Proportions adjust.

In dimension Jurrasic9 (J9 for those of us stationed here), the proportions adjust quite a bit.

So much so, that now I'm in proceedings to explain why I've just ruined a herd of ankylosaurs. Just in case you never went through a dinosaur phase as a kid, that's the one that looks like if a dog mated with a Cubone and had an armadillo with a monk's haircut and a sledgehammer at the end of its tail. (Just in case you haven't gone through a Pokemon Go phase, google it. And congrats on having a life.)

How did I ruin it? Well it wasn't intentional, let me start there. In no dimension would I voluntarily do something that resulted in so much paperwork. Even if ankylosaurs are annoying little assholes.

In this dimension, you see, dinosaurs are rather diminutive.

A brontosaurus, for example, would be about the size of a house cat. If a house cat had a swan neck. Actually, as dinosaurs are closer to birds than mammals, a swan might be a more appropriate comparison overall. A four legged swan with a cat-titude

That makes these ankylosaurs about the size of a thicc hamster. So, imagine a troupe of thicc, crunchy hamsters, and then imagine someone (not me, certainly) accidentally running through a migrating herd on my way to our J9 mess hall for a 3am breakfast before starting a day-long trek up to the coast.

I'm soooo sorry I didn't see the thiccy hamster parade. The sound of the cracking and squishing alone was horrible, but the real bummer is that instead of seeing the J9 coastal waters, I've been relegated to this hearing facility to explain myself and have it be determined if I'm still fit for duty.

It was an accident, for crying out loud. My rearview on my issued transport vehicle just didn't pick them up.

Headquarters is extremely adamant that we don't impact the wildlife in any of our dimension posts, though, so here I am.

Wish me luck, the Director of the outpost is about to pass judgement.

Love,

Charlene Hall - Junior, Dimension J9

c/o Yale University Department of Earth & Planetary Sciences

210 Whitney Ave

New Haven, CT

06511

_____

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