On Getting A Bedpan

If watching cartoons has taught me anything, it’s that there is really no reason to ever leave my bed. I mean, except to go to the bathroom and get food. I guess I could get a mini fridge. And a bedpan. Or a urinary catheter.

Okay, so maybe this life lesson isn’t turning me into Gandhi or anything. But here’s the thing: no matter what time you wake up in the morning, there will be cartoons on. And with a little judicious channel switching, those cartoons can last you all the way to bedtime.

And the other thing cartoons have taught me is that there’s really no reason to ever think about your own life. Really. Between Bugs Bunny, Bikini Bottom, and Bubbles, Blossom, and Buttercup, my brain has plenty of material to keep itself engaged and entertained without spending a single second on anything that might upset it.

Some people would say this is an extremely poor coping mechanism. That you can’t spend life lying around watching cartoons and never making anything of yourself. That you have to face up to your problems, do the work, see a therapist, walk 10,000 steps a day, eat kale, and… I don’t know, do something every day that scares you.

I say they’re not watching enough cartoons.