VISUAL PROMPT
©2016-2019 RavenCorona - @ravencorona

Write a story or poem set during this battle
The Dust Won’t Settle
Journal entry 462:
We live beneath the solid grounds of the earth we used to own, us survivors that is. I’m not really sure what came first, the robots or the war. Well, it doesn’t matter now.
Humanity is long gone, apart from those they deemed worthy of redemption who were exiled to the depths of the earth. The robots decided we were doing more damage than good, and they rebuilt the beauty of the once united world one step at a time, spanning all ends of the earth. It was perfection…almost.
That’s when the sky turned dark, dark enough that you couldn’t see your feet beneath you. The survivors below ground have been enlisted by the warrior faction of the robots, it’s time to leave this place we’ve called home for the last 150 years, the place my ancestors built when they were running from what I know as the extinction.
I guess this is as good a time as any to introduce myself. My name is Annabeth, I was born in the year 2166, and I have lived my whole life within the depths. I have always wondered what my life would have been like had I been born before the wars and grew up on the surface, but I know I wouldn’t have been as lucky as those who made it to the underground that day in 2024. As I’m 18, I am one of those selected to make the journey up to the top of the world where my aimless daydreams of the surface will start to fade into my reality.
I never understood the word bittersweet until I experienced the soft rays of what I knew to be the sun landing on my exposed skin. Looking around at the desolate landscape that surrounded me, I felt a sense of freedom coursing through my body that I have never felt before, then a wave of anxiety slammed me in the chest when I remembered why I was here. That is the moment when I saw the pale blue rays radiating through the sky in the distance for the first time. That’s when everything began to feel real, the rest of my life was about to begin.
Journal entry 502:
One year has passed since my journey to the surface, one year since I began my new life. Pale blue flashes of light and the sound of crashing rubble is now ingrained within my being, my once pale skin now tan and littered with scars and scrapes from protecting the place I desperately hope will remain my home.
I still remember that first day I experienced the surface, the rush of adrenaline as us survivors were walked through previous war zones to get to the camp I now call home.
I still remember the first time I saw, them. Through the dusty, cracked lens of the binoculars I had my first encounter of what we were really up against. I wasn’t prepared then, but God only knows I am now.
Today is the day we move in on the colony- the colony of the creatures from another world that have terrorised our planet for the last 22 months. Packing my bag I take one last look at the camp I’ve called home for the last year and my eyes well up knowing this may be the last glance I get, but my heart pumps faster when I look around at the army that have been tirelessly training and gaining intelligence over our common enemy. I have never been much of a betting woman, but this is one I’d go all or nothing for.
Journal entry 514:
We missed something. How could we have missed something?
Journal entry 527:
It has been 3 months, 2 weeks and 5 days since we made our first attempt on hijacking the colony. We thought we were ready, I thought we were ready. It’s my birthday today… 20 years old. A pang of guilt drowns me as I think back to those we lost.
A smile crept onto my face as a candle stuck into a poorly risen cake illuminates the space in front of me, I look up as I blow out the flame. Fear hits me as I come to the realisation that we are now all encased in darkness, this can only mean one thing. They’re here. The hair on my arms stand up as I hear the scuttling of the creatures from the colony surrounding our home. I’m afraid this may be the end but the glimmer of hope lights within me when I remember that the plan all along was to lead them here.
First, I would like to say that this is amazing and a very in-depth idea. As a matter of fact, if this were stretched into a novel, I would probably read it. So I don't think this is bad by any means.
But I do think that it didn't really make sense for her to introduce herself into a journal she's written in over 400 times. It felt like info-dumping, it didn't feel like she was actually writing in a journal but instead that you were caught in the middle between a beginning monologue and an actual journal entry. Which isn't a bad thing, it’s just not a journal entry that gives us the actual perspective of the character, and what the character herself saw and felt because that's what a journal is, right?
I don't want you to feel like you have to rewrite it. Because you don't, this IS good. Amazing actually, I love it. But if you go to make a journal entry again, consider the start of your story being the start of the journal so the character can introduce themself. And then from there introduce the story and what's happening and has happened through the character.
So to use this piece as an example, instead of just saying that the robots took over in 2024 and because of that the character is only just now coming to the surface, have the character express that she's going to the surface for the first time and tell how she feels about it and then on the next entry say how it looks like, by saying what she saw and how what she saw made her feel and with those two things the reader will be able to put two and two together the state that the world is in. You could even add something like “I wonder what it looked like before 2024” to give the reader a sense of time.
Am I making any sense? I hope I am. 😂
If there's one thing the readers HAD to choose to care about more than anything else, it would be the characters. Most readers, anyway. Use their senses, emotions, actions, and thoughts to tell the story. As opposed to giving them a bunch of information and then some action and then more information.
But I'm not trying to tel you what to write or how to write, I just think that this idea deserves to be engaged with and that showing it through your character would make it a lot more engaging. But you don't have to. It's just a suggestion. I'm so sorry for the long comment, I just want to be helpful. 😂 Please, please don't give up on your writing because this is amazing! I support you!
Hi! I know it's been a week since you wrote this. But I did wish to tell you that I like the idea you have going here, and I have some ideas on feedback to give you. Are you interested?