how can you be surrounded, though it feels like your feet don’t touch the ground? as if suspended in the abyss, simultaneously groped by the sensations of existing. why must the peace be stifled by the pressure of being alive? i only wish to tread, unfaltering, as the sound fades away. i cannot stay engulfed, cannot leave his dragging touches on the surface. i am constrained to be the victim, and only dream of liberation. so i sit in my blue light and know i’m drowning, never to feel the relief of dying.