On the darkest day
Of the darkest year
A spiraling tower
Will appear.
Shooting up out of
The vast rocky ground,
A place where no man
Is around.
Windows all shattered,
Walls all torn apart,
Through long empty halls
Spirits dart.
No light shines inside
This dark, haunted place
That’s rid of all the
Human race.
Wow, I really liked this! 👏👏In terms of feedback, I’m not a huge poetry person so I probably don’t give the best poetry feedback, but as a reader I thought the rhythm of the last line of each stanza felt a bit awkwardly short. Also, I agree with HM about repeating the word “walls”, and I also noticed you used the word “dark” again in the last stanza which is a bit repetitive. But besides that, the imagery was fantastic and I thought the concept was brilliant. Especially that one line “on the darkest day of the darkest year..” Ah yes!!! Great work overall 💫
The cadence is 🔥🔥🔥 as in LIT! That warm and spooky opening made me eager to read the rest! I was far from disappointed.
“That’s rid of all the human race” whooaaa! So what lives in there?! I feel like if this were the start of a book (which would be awesome) that last line would make me super curious to keep watching!
Tiny note, poet to poet. When you start a line with “walls” and then end the following line with “walls” it slows the reader down and causes them to question if they read that right. If that’s your intent, don’t mind me! If not, the word “halls” might be what you were looking for. Happy writing!
