Guilt

There she was, laying on the hospital bed. Blood everywhere, tears on the ground. She was gone. They didn’t do enough. As the memories of me and my daughter filled my guilt, A young lady walked by the door, then a soft knock filled the silence in the room. I walked outside the room as I dried my tears with my hands. “Hello, ma’am. I am very sorry for your loss.” A sweet voice called out. “Although I am about to tell you something that you might need to sit for.” She looked like a model. The complete opposite of my daughter, with black hair, slim and short structure, beautiful green eyes. Almost looked like my dead ex. As I thought about what she just said I was very curious to what she meant so like anybody would do, I continued the conversation. “Well, There’s barely any time to find a chair. Now, Would you tell me what this news is?” I spoke. “First I would like to talk to you about some stuff. Did you adopt Delilah ma’am?” She said it almost as if I were to get mad at her for it. I wondered how she knew my daughters name but I looked past that and answered. “Yes but I love— loved her with all-“ I started to say. Interrupting, the girl said “Oh no no no! I didn’t mean it like that, I am so very sorry. I have one more question ma’am.” She spoke feeling terrible. I sighed. Not knowing the question, I agreed foolishly. She asked about Delilah’s birth parents. I told her what she wanted to know. She asked some weird questions, Like what features they had or how old they were. We decided to meet for tea tomorrow at my place. She told me her name, Ally, and we went our separate ways. I went home feeling awfully curious about Ally. I decided to work past that and look at Delilah’s room. As I walk in her bedroom I just feel a wave of guilt, I paused for a moment. I couldn’t do it. So, I closed the door and ran to the couch crying. ‘Would it ever stop hurting?’ went through my mind nonstop. I went to bed even though it was only 8pm. I lay there tossing and turning with memories running through my mind. Finally I fall asleep. In the middle of the night, maybe around 2am? I woke up having to use the restroom, which I never have to. I just figured it was the stress. When I came back, there she was. In my bed. “Mom, Why did you give up on me?”

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