“Thanks for coming, everyone,” Lundi said, pouring himself his third cup of coffee. “Why don’t we just jump right into it.”

“Ugh, do we have to? This is soooo boring.”

“Yes, Vendi. You ask that every time we meet, and the answer is always the same.”

“That’s because this is a stupid waste of time when I have my boat literally right outside. Whaddayousay we all just skip over this crap and pile into the truck, grab some brewskis, and hit the lake?”

“I’m down!”

“Samdi, no. Don’t encourage him. Besides, you’re supposed to be resting.”

“I can rest on a boat!”

“No, listen, I am trying to—“

“Who’s with me? Boat-boat-boat!”

“Knock it off, Ven.”

“Can we just calm ourselves? Please. I think that, upon peaceful contemplation, we will see that this argument is silly. Now, all of you, try to find it in your hearts to forgive each other and lets just work through what we need to get done.”

“Sundi is right, I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, me, too.”

“Alright, let’s get back to it. Mardi, will you read the minutes from our last meeting? Mardi?”

“Oh, sorry. Do I look, you know, have I put on weight?”

“What?” Lundi was getting even more frustrated than normal.

“Fatter. Have I gotten… fatter?”

Everyone looked around at anything other than Mardi.

“I think you look great,” Jodi chimed in. “You carry it well.”

“Really? Because there were some people—I think they were drunk, so, you know—but they were throwing beaded necklaces at me and calling me ‘fat.’ I mean, I know I’m not, you know, skinny, or whatever, but—“

“You look fine,” Lundi said, hoping to end yet another distraction. “Now, the minutes?”

Mardi took out her notebook and began: “Ahem, ok, let’s see, last week, right, here it is, okay, the last meeting of the Days of the Week, Romance Language Division, Mondial Department. Right, so… from last meeting, yes, you’re correct, Vendi did start the meeting asking if everyone wanted to, quote, skip this lame-ass crap and go bowling, end quote. Lundi brought the meeting back to the task at hand, turning it over to Jodi to relay her findings on the increase in worker absences in Lundi’s and Vendi’s units.”

“Ah, right. Jodi, would you like to provide an update?”

“Of course. Well, while it still under investigation, it appears that, for the 2000th year in a row, Samdi’s and Sundi’s units remain at the top of the employee satisfaction survey. While, from a productivity stand point, Samdi and Sundi continue to be at the weaker end of the spectrum, they are seen as the most desirable managers to work for. Basically, everyone is working for the weak end.”

Samdi and Sundi fist-bumped.

“Right, well,” Lundi glanced around, “I think that is, well, ahem, I think we can skip the ranking of—“

“Lundi, your unit continues to rank at the very bottom,” Jodi continued as Lundi pulled at his now too-tight necktie, “with the majority of survey participants viewing it as a, what did they call it? Ah, yes, a ‘necessary evil.’ In fact, when given the option, most participants stated that they’d rather be struck on the hindquarters with a length of rubber hose than have to deal with being in your—“

“I think we get the picture, we can—“

“Vendi, on the other hand, is the third most popular, with most participants, when it comes to the ‘weak end,’ viewing his unit as an extension.”

“THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!”

Everyone looked at Mierdi, giving him the same dead-eyed stare they always gave him when he made the same joke he always made.

“What? It was, hey, you can’t set me up like that and—“

“Anyway,” Jodi continued, “based on these initial findings, there seems to be a correlation between employees calling out ‘sick’ and being in either Lundi’s or Vendi’s units. What it looks like is that the ‘call-outs’ may not be based on illness at all: With Vendi, they are trying to get onto Samdi’s or Sundi’s units early; Conversely, they are trying to avoid Lundi’s unit at all costs.”

“THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!”

More blank stares.

Lundi cleared his throat. “Okay, well, I think, um, thank you, Jodi, for relaying those, uh, very insightful findings. Very interesting. Very interesting. But, before we take any action on realignment or staffing, you know, I’d love to get more, uh, concrete inform—“

The whole office shook, teeth-rattling waves of sound bouncing off the sheet rock, threatening to shatter the glass windows. They all looked at the door as a massive hammer rapped against it, opening it a little more with each tap.

“Oh, hey. I think I might be in the wrong office.”

“You want the Germanic Language Division, Thor. One floor up.”

“Gotcha. Sorry for interrupting.” He held his hammer up, turning it casually in his hand, “You know how it is, can’t really sneak around with Mjöllnir. The whole ‘god of thunder’ thing and all that.”

Smitten and twitter-pated at the tall, well-muscled blond, Mardi said, “You and your hammer can interrupt us anytime.”

Everyone turned to look at Mierdi.