The Captain then called out on the loudspeaker, reminding everyone how to use the emergency boats. Of course, of course. Just as I was about to propose to Macy, my dear girlfriend, a stupid giant shark ripped off a chunk of the cruise ship that had a turtle painted on it. Stupid hippies for painting it, too. It’s all stupid and a waste, fucking sharks, man. And now, romance has turned to chaos, with my girlfriend crying cuddled up to me on a raft.

What a fucking proposal.

How could I get even propose now, such a grand gesture after a possibly death-bringing incident, plus I’ve got bigger issues now, her stupid parents are gonna kill me.