Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t see you there. Welcome to The Superseum! Here you will find all kinds of artifacts from the days where those with powers ruled the earth, ocean, space, and sky.

This venue? Only the former lair of prominent superhero, Magigal. As you surely know, Magigal parished after being fed to supervillain, ReelDeal‘s lazer sharks, a nod to the classic movie franchise, of course.

And you can’t miss this artifact over here, perhaps one of the greatest in existence. This is the garden hedge of FrondlyFire, who meticulously snipped out every target of their’s in this comically large bush.

Just adjacent to it, you’ll see the supersuit of Silica, an ensemble made entirely out of Silica Jel™️ and Silicaon™️. Silica was far more successful as a businessperson than a hero, but it is still one cool-looking suit.

Today, Silica’s husband has taken over production of Silica™️ products, so feel free to stop by our gift shop to get some of your own! You can also purchase your own pet lazer sharkette there. Moving on.

This massive ship belonged to Pyroate, the fieriest and fiercest pirate on the seas. It is truly a wonder it is able to float, given that the whole thing is made out of pure obsidian from her own personal underwater volcano… Yes, you’d be surprised, but even the sail! Pyroate was a true trailblazer (literally, she set every trail on fire) in rock technology and has made so much more possible with the materials we have here on Earth.

Speaking of fire, this exhibit’s something out of this world. This is the original can of rocket fuel that The Star Stealer used to light the moon on fire 42 years ago! That was one heck of a New Year’s party! Yes, yes, I’m that old.

While we’re on that topic, this staff right here was mine! Ha! I got you, didn’t I? This is the Staff of Caara, or more lovingly referred to as the Staff of Friends. This big ol’ stick is beautifully carved out of mahogany from the tree that the last remaining supervillain became upon his death; he was Ogany. The world celebrated the sunset of the last day they’d have to worry about villains.

But one hero, Caara, was upset with how little people cared for the life of another. Ogany and she had been friends growing up, but Ogany had gotten involved in some bad crowds. However, he swore to her he would never kill anyone, and he kept that vow the rest of his life. He was one of the lesser villains, really just stealing a little here and there to fund his science projects. That was his true passion, not crime.

Caara, furious, felt she needed to make a point. So, as a reminder to all, on live television, she took her butterfly knives to the tree; she chiseled the likeness of his face, twisted in agony, on its trunk. Also from the tree, she whittled this very staff with a fern-like texture and a fiddlehead figurehead on the upward end, for his favorite plant. She forever kept this by her side so that history would not repeat itself and she would always have a piece of him with her.

There’s more though. The part I don’t tell on tours. My biggest secret.

On her deathbed, Caara gave the staff to me, their daughter.

I swore that the earth hadn’t gotten rid of the last supervillain.

I became it.

I couldn’t let those who had killed my father have the satisfaction.

But back to the program! That’s all behind me now, and I opened this place! This way, I can immortalize both sides of superhistory.

A super big thank you to you all for joining me on this journey through time! Please check out the gift shop (we have capes!) and come to the Superseum again soon! We rotate through exhibits, so there’s always something new and interesting to explore!