To My Husband,

The man I have cherished and loved for as long as I can remember.

You have broken me beyond repair, I am merely a shell of who I was.

I have given all I had to give to you, given up everything in my life for you.

But the simplest things you know I need are the same things you refuse to do.

You are content with never touching, never talking, never connecting.

I cannot live like that. It drains my heart of all love for you, it leaves my soul empty.

I don’t understand how you can even think to mutter the words, “I love you.”

I am stunned that the word love doesn’t make your stomach turn. Or maybe it does.

You have mastered the art of deception, and I was your willing victim.

I had such hope as a player in the fairy tale love story you made me believe.

But I know the truth now…I am not special, we are not special, YOU are not special.

You are incapable of emotions, ice pumps through your veins with each heartbeat.

You swooped me up from my desperation, a ravishing wolf in sheep’s clothing.

Only to leave me always yearning and lonely and feeling inadequate as a woman.

And why? What was the point? Why not just leave me alone instead of this betrayal?

I could cry a thousand rivers but you remain statuesque, untouched and unmoved.

I have taken the back seat to your needs and desires at least a thousand times.

All I asked for in return was a little feeling, the love you promised me in the beginning.

But you robbed me time and time again of even the smallest gesture showing you cared.

I have stripped my soul naked and shown you every part of me that I keep hidden.

Yet, I still don’t know you at all, not any more than I’d know a stranger on the street.

I used to think you changed because you were so different at the start.

You were so attentive, so caring, so vulnerable in giving and showing the love I needed.

Not at all like the man that I see before me.

But, you didn’t change. You just finally let me see exactly who you are. You let your mask fall off.

I have been on the ledge ready to jump for so long now. Did you know that?

Because you always seem to say the right things at the very last possible moment.

I am a fool because I always believe you, I hang on every word so desperately wanting sincerity.

I am angry at you. I am heartbroken. I am devastated. I am lost.

And you did that. Every single tiny detail of the brokenness I am, you did.

I don’t even know who I am. I have lost myself in loving you so completely.

Yet, you give nothing of yourself. Don’t even give me a glimpse of the hurt child inside.

That is so sad for you because I would have loved him so hard that he’d be whole again.

You should know I am leaving you. I am walking away. I am turning my back on you for a change.

But I know that a piece of me will always remain left behind in your grasp.

Even though I know you don’t even have the slightest idea how to handle it with care.

At least not this version of you.

This version that I have grown to hate more than I could have imagined.

This version I am leaving behind now.

Goodbye,

Your Wife