“I knew, I knew what was happening. And I’m sorry I didn’t help you, I’m sorry I didn’t acknowledge you. I’m sorry I turned a blind eye to your pain.” She paused before she continued again

She didn’t look at me, wouldn’t meet my eyes. She knows that if she did, I would see the guilt on her face.

The vulnerability.

I wasn’t upset that she didn’t help, at first I was. Who wouldn’t? It was in her house, her walls were thin, so thin you could hear a pin drop.

“If you came here to vomit out guilty words, I’m going to ask you to leave” It seemed harsh, it was harsh.

But I can’t help feeling..angry, I knew she knew. We made eye contact every time I came over. I talked to her about it.

When I pressed charges I knew what I was doing. She was an accomplice, a bystander.

I let out a shaky sigh before pushing back on my chair and standing up “Why didn’t you say anything? Why did you tell the cops I lied?”

She looked at me as if I had just punched her in the gut.

But she didn’t have the right to feel that

She’s didn’t have the first to feel guilty.

She made her bed, and now she needs to sleep in it.

“Because if they figured it out, they’d know I knew. I was quiet but I was not blind, that would be the conclusion they’d draw if they new.” She let out what could be described as a sob

She was crying, why does she get to cry? Why didn’t I get to cry when I was on my knees?

Begging for her help, asking her to save me.

“I don’t need your excuse, or your tears. I just hope the next time, you’ll be able to stand up for your own child. And not believe another over him.”

There were so many things I wanted to say, I wanted to tell her how sorry of an excuse she was. How her child deserved better, how her child was the one who saved me.

Her child did the one thing she couldn’t do, and I suppose that’s what hurts the most.

They always said to reach out for help, but the one time I did, she turned me away.

“I’ll be leaving now, I hope you..forgive yourself in time”

I wasn’t upset anymore, I just wanted closure. And I wasn’t going to let another persons regrets ruin my chances of getting it.

And just like that, I got up and left.

(Sorry for the bad writing today, I had no motivation to write at all)