“Please send the email into Head Office by tomorrow evening.”

🖇️📌🔒

To: kittyswan@inlook.co.ke

CC: darrenjames@coldmail.com

From: chrislark@dmail.com

Subject: Why Does This Keep Happening

Hello Kitty, hope this email finds you alright and you’re having a restful weekend, so on so on so on. Wish I could say the same. We’ve got devastating news. Our life-sized light-up sculpture of Micheal Myers holding hands with a giant owo penguin is BROKEN. Again.

Some kids turned up yesterday and just hacked at it with their knives until it was just a pile of flickering debris. Chris from Maintenance—the one with the metal bars on his lungs—cleaned up the mess and the bodies but now we have two problems to sort out. One being finding a new sculpture, and the other; contacting the parents.

My fellow department members and I believe we should tackle the more important situation first. So I spent all night trying to find a suitable replacement and I think I’ve found the one. How I’m still awake surviving off two oreos and a glass of apple juice is beyond me.

Below is the link to the statue I found on definitelynotascam.hak.co late last night.

[Enter link]

Please get in touch soon so we can arrange for a delivery before I poison myself out of grief.

Thanking you, I am

Yours sincerely,

Chris Number 3 of 11