I heard his quiet yearning for years. Every time he was dying to tell me how he felt and ultimately decided against it. He didn’t know that I heard each and every one of those thoughts, which meant he didn’t know that I diverted his attention every time he thought about acting on them. He would start wrestling with it, making a plan, and then I would either cause a distraction or make an excuse to leave.

I knew it was wrong to ignore his feelings, but he was my only friend and I didn’t feel the same way about him. If I let him confess, I’d have to reject him. Things would never be the same between us. I hoped that he would grow out of it, that someone else would catch his eye.

Then someone did. His thoughts no longer being tormented by his pining for me was a very welcome change. Once he officially told me about his crush, I encouraged him to pursue it and they eventually started dating. I could almost see the butterflies in both of their stomachs. Their thoughts were completely consumed by one another. She was deeply infatuated and he was love-struck. But ultimately, he was relieved that someone finally reciprocated his feelings.

Soon, he was barely thinking about me.

That was supposed to be a good thing. That’s all I’ve wanted for years. My mind was at a crossroads that had six intersecting streets. I didn’t want him like that, but now I was jealous of the girl that did. I began to only see him at school as all his time was spent with her. We went from speaking every day to speaking once a week.

I started to resent her. Their love for each other began to make me sick and I felt horrible about it. Neither of them were at fault here, but I couldn’t stop myself from blaming them. Maybe I only kept him as a friend because I was the center of his world. Now she’s the center of his world and I’m not even in the same solar system.