Graduation

Mira clicked the door to her dorm closed. this might be the last time she sleeps in this room… in this building, if everything goes according to plan.

These past few months have been all about her future- the beginning of her life. she knew how lucky she was to have her all instructors leading her towards her purpose. she didn’t know where she would be without all the guidance and training she had received in all of her 16 years here.

well, 15 years and 11 months. and 29 days.

Kids didn’t used to be this fortunate. they were given no time to prepare for their future until it was right upon them, and society suffered because it’s members were irresponsible. immature. unfocused. they weren’t ready to face the real world.

back then, they believed schools were enough. students didn’t graduate until they were 18, and some even went back to school after that. their classes were exclusively on math, science, history, and language. they didn’t decide their careers until they graduated, and some even later. students went back to a house away from campus and were allowed to live the whole early stage of their life away from structure. Mira couldn’t imagine what their world was like- so directionless, with no one driven to commit to the betterment of society.

She set her pamphlet down on the dresser and let out a shaky exhale. it was supposed to explain to her what the next steps were, as it she hadn’t been preparing for tomorrow for her whole life so far. She didn’t need to be anxious, she reminded herself. this was going to be everything she ever wanted- they would let her know that all her training paid off tomorrow morning as soon as the morning alarms went off. that she was allowed to start her life and fufill her purpose.

She had known since her sixth year that she wanted to be an engineer. She had been building and designing with any objects she could get her hands on for as far back as she could remember. slowly, that had morphed into a devotion to mathematics, physics, and professional design skills to cultivate her talents. she could still see the smile on her instructor’s face when she passed her final exams that year- the ones that determined she was finally ready to commit to a path.

she was not going to let it all go to waste.

Mira laid down on her bed, tying up her hair on top of her head the same way she did every night. normally, she was able to ignore the empty bunk above her. but tonight, her mind was working against her.

she had gotten over it quickly after it happened. and why wouldn’t she? there was a perfectly reasonable explanation. the exams had been wrong- Echo wasn’t ready to commit. They were confused. They were unmotivated. They needed a type of training that this facility couldn’t provide, and so they got moved. That’s what happens to people who can’t find their purpose- they aren’t allowed to participate in society like everyone else. She had grown up knowing that, and so had Echo.

there was no reason for their absence to haunt her like it did tonight.

Her hands found their way up to her chest, resting over her heart. she could feel it rattling inside, taking up all the space in her lungs that was supposed to be for breathing. she drew in a deep breath, just like she had been taught to do when this happens. she had to force air back into her lungs. sometimes, your body works against you. sometimes, you will feel like you are trapped. lost. alone. but you aren’t. you are smarter than your body. you need to override.

override. override.

“_override_,” she whispered to herself. she was smarter than this. she had been taught better than this. she wouldn’t be able to be productive tomorrow if she didn’t get over this and go to sleep.

but the pounding in her chest just grew faster, and the more frustrated with herself she became, the louder it sounded in her head.

what was wrong with her? why was she acting like Echo? nothing was wrong. everything she had ever wanted was at her doorstep. her life was about to begin.

_but what if it’s not enough?_

_don’t be ridiculous, Echo, _she had responded. _this is what we were made for. what else is there?_

_ I don’t know. _they whispered. _that’s why i’m afraid._

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But she wasn’t like them. No, she wasn’t. she had tried to tell them, and it wasn’t her fault they didn’t listen.

She had a purpose- they all did. living it out would be the only thing she ever needed, and nothing more. she did not need a fancy house, or lots of money, or a huge family, and she did not need Echo. She didn’t need them there with her then, with gentle hands, reminding her how to breathe. She did not need to hide her face in their arms and pretend for a moment that it was just the two of them. because there was nothing to hide. there was no reason to pretend. she knew what she wanted. she knew who she was.

she was an engineer. she was an adult. she was useful. she was satisfied.

_did you know, Mira, that children used to celebrate the day they were born, not the day they started their training? _

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_did you know they used to have have a time to play outside in schools?_

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_did you know there used to be a holiday where children wore costumes and collected candy in the streets?_

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_that sounds made up. _she had said. _why would they do that?_

_for fun,_ they said. _no one around her knows how to have fun. not even you._

_what? I know how to have fun!_ she frowned.

a grin snuck into their face. that look was one she knew well. _prove it, then. let’s have our own costume holiday._

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The candy that they stole from the main office wasn’t even good. it had stuck to the wrapper and to both of their teeth, and got the taste of wax in their mouths. but it was something about the way Echo had giggled the whole time they hid under the stairs that made it worth it. it was something about the way she could see the excitement make their eyes sparkle even in the dim light.

_Can I tell you a secret, Echo?_ The words had fallen out of her mouth in a whisper.

_yeah?_

_I don’t think I want to be an engineer._

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_why not? I thought you loved building things._

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_…I do. I did… I think. I liked all those building kits we used to get in the third year room. but the classes… it’s different. it’s hard. we are just learning about math. I don’t… I don’t really like it._

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Echo didn’t say anything. the two of them looked up at the cracks and chipped paint of the stairwell above them.__

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_well… maybe you can just stay here, then… with me. forever._

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Mira remembered that a smile creeped onto her face.__

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_I’d like that… _she had whispered.

If only that were how things worked.