[Taken from the fanfic I'm currently writing]

• Characters are from the game "I Was a Teenage Exocolonist"; Tangent and Solana (Also referred as "you", because Sol is the character you play as)

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(Age 17, early pollen night)

– I have feelings for you, Tangent, – Sol breathes out, not looking at her. You hear her shift, attention snapping as she processes your words.

– Are you confessing to me? Why? – Tangent's voice is strangely steady, less measured than Sol expected. There's an undercurrent of confusion, hesitance, uncertainty. She stays quiet for a moment, and you wonder if this time she's not interested, grossed out or just surprised. You don't really want to open your eyes and find out.

– I don't _feel_ feelings... Not like that, – Tangent continues, her voice softer now, almost distant.

You keep quiet. Her voice, though getting quieter as well, seems to speed up. Is she mumbling? Or is the distance between them so vast, across every possible universe, that her words can't seem to find a way to bridge it?

– We can't… You can't expect a relationship to survive on just love, Sol. If I…If _one of us_ does something wrong, and hurts the other, we would just part ways… Forever. Friends don't do that. Colleagues don't do that. Love, familiar or romantic bonds… Does it do anything good, except ruin everything when your interests start to differ? You just… You don't understand. You can't understand, not when you have a caring… – She suddenly trails off before finishing.

You do understand. Sol's chest tightens. She knows the outcome, and yet, it feels like the first time she's hearing it — it does every time. You've heard this rejection in every universe, but every time it still so hurtful. Solana smiles anyway, though it's a broken thing. And you say nothing. Just continue to smile — despite a suffocating beating in your chest that won't go away. You knew this would happen, but saying nothing feels even more wrong. You wonder is she feels hesitant about rejecting you. Her voice wavers:

– Sol, I… I just… Can't…

– I know romanticism isn't your thing, – Solana replies gently, sparing her the torture of voicing the shared thought. You hear her take an exhausted breath. You know Tangent is pretending. She always has. What a beautifully cruel actor. – And I already knew you wouldn't accept. I needed to tell you, that's all.

Silence falls again, and you wait, sensing something unsaid hanging between you. Almost as if she's waiting for something. Almost as if _Tangent_ is waiting for _Solana_ to say something she hasn't yet. You stay quiet. And this time, you are unsure whether it's because you've run out of words or because you're afraid to speak the wrong ones.

– We could… – Tangent tries again, her voice faltering in a way that makes it hurt more. – I know we are a good team. When… When we work together, it gives us a lot of benefits. We could…Make it official to everyone, announce out partnership? I would actually have a good enough reason for Marz to stop bothering me, and you could tell them you aren't looking for a relationship if someone asks you… It's not the same, but… It would stop everyone from getting involved between… _Us_

Her words feel like an offering and a trap at the same time. Sol recognizes the logic in them — the exact same thing you offered Tangent in other lives — but it's not what she wanted. Not what you wanted, too. Not by a long shot.

Tangent is offering an illusion, even if it feels like the closest she can get to saying, _"I care."_

– If you want to, that is… – Tangent adds, so softly you can barely hear it. Is it Solana's messed-up fantasy getting in a way of your clear vision, or does her voice actually tremble? Tangent doesn't clarify an _"us"_, and for some reason, you think she doesn't know what she meant by that either.

– No. It's not what I want, Tangent, – You smile, but it's sadder than you intended it to be. A pained curve of your lips expressing the rarely shown emotion. You wonder if Tangent can see it — the way it tears you apart just to say this, knowing that you're both caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. Except it seems like there's never "_the right time_" in this story.

It's not the answer Tangent was hoping for, but maybe it's the one she needs. The one Solana needs, or _wants_, as well.

If you pretend enough, you can believe that what you heard after these words was a pained sigh of disappointment.

– Just because nothing is official doesn't mean I'll leave you now, Tangent, – Sol opens her eyes, meeting Tangent's for the first time. She sits near you, hugging herself tightly, nails digging into the lab coat. Her gaze is fixed on the floor, as if she can't bring herself to face what's in Solana's eyes.

Tangent really does look disappointed; you _think_ she does. It almost looks like she's in pain. A small part of Sol wonders if she's scared. Scared of losing this fragile thing they have. Scared of losing the person who keeps breaking the walls she's spent so many years building up. But was she _really_ afraid of losing you? If that's true, it's heartbreakingly sweet. Sometimes you can't even comprehend how someone ever believe she is cold, or an emotionless monster. She does have empathy, of course she does — how can anyone doubt that? And she is grateful you still stick around, she told you about it herself, just a few days ago. On that midnight stroll across the colony walls.

_– You don't have to be alone tonight. I can stay until you fall asleep, remember that movie Nomi tried to make you watch? I can retell the plot._

_You hear a voiceless chuckle as her sad gaze travels to the forest beyond._

_– Just, pleace… – She whispers, and it sounds so forced. So ainfully desperate, but masked with straining fear; like an attempt to step over herself. – Don't leave._

_It feels like the world is on the edge of a dissapearence. Or breaking apart. You feel the tension in her shoulders, the way her body seems to collapse in on itself before she relaxes her grip on your wrist. But she doesn't fully let go._

_Everything is always just on the edge of something._

_You feel her shaking, but you say nothing. You don't need to. Just silently ask if she needs a hug — the one she accepts. She breathes out against your hair._

Before Solana falls sleep, your mind wanders back to her words. Your heart hurts itself to remember, but you can't let it forget something from your younger years.

_"What I don't need is someone to pat me on the head and tell me it's okay and the adults will make it all better. I messed up, just let me fix it!"_

And maybe, in this timeline, Sol can help Tangent fix it. If she can bear to stay long enough.

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