The weight on her shoulders pushing her down. Nothing left for her here, not much left of her. She ponders on the messy thoughts running through her tangled web of a mind. Loving to write stories of her struggles but her mind blocking the bad parts out. ‘My mind is messed up and I hate everything.’ She crosses out the line as she can’t ever find her flow. Dark menacing clouds dancing above her head. The more time she spent here the more her depression grew.

All she remembers is her mother throwing plates, leaving tender cuts on her body. How could one be so heartless? Never having anyone to care for her except her therapist being like a father to her; real one never showing up. All she wanted was to be loved, what is love? Something so close yet so far. Something she would never experience. Something she couldn’t dream of knowing.

“Lilliana wake up.” Gently her friend shakes her to free her from her thoughts.

She takes her hand in hers and they walk down the long white halls of the mental hospital. The room was as white as snow minus the light green wallpaper. Sitting down besides another with the rest of the children. Even then, they’ve never felt more isolated. Coloring the cute flowers and finger painting handprints all felt like childish behavior but to them it was an escape from the reason why they were there. Each child bearing a heavy burden.

A knock on the door almost instinctively pulling everyone’s head down. They all knew nothing good came from visitors or intervention. When the therapist would act like they knew what it was like to struggle like they had. When they pretended to have been abused or suicidal. No one truly knew how she felt except the other kids in that room. She wasn’t allowed to talk about it with them of course because it could trigger someone. Last time Liliana watched someone get upset she ended up in the line of fire. Her fingers trace the bruise on her cheek from when her fellow patient had gotten pissed.

“Liliana?” Her head perks up. Slowly she arises from her chair. As she turns to leave, her heart melts at the sight of the others along side her for similar reasons.

She takes a seat on the long couch with her head down. The bright LED white lights making her eyes squint.

“Sweet girl do you know why I pulled you out?” His voice was soft as he lifted her chin to meet his gaze. All she did was nod. Thinking back to the details of her feelings she admitted previously to the guard who she felt she could trust. Talking on how she wished she was dead. Or even how she wanted someone to kill her so she didn’t have to deal with life’s problems anymore

She hums in agreement. Her eyes shift to the side as she sniffles. Her hand wiping her nose.

“Don’t cry sweet girl.” His hand rubs her head. He knew it was something she wasn’t used to, he had hoped it would make her feel better; but as she backs away from his touch he reluctantly pulls back.

“You’re healing Liliana. You’ll be out of here soon. I’m proud of how far you’ve come and I know you can do this okay? She can’t hurt you anymore.” He smiles.

“Why do I hurt myself when I’ve been hurt enough at home?” This question left her stuck. It was something she’d never know the answer to.