People get butterflies when they’re in love. I get butterflies around her. So I must be in love with her?

No, no, that can’t be right. I’m in love with him- it’s been four years since we got together, and I love him.

But I still can’t shake the feeling I get around her. What does this mean? Can I love both, but neither at the same time? Do I love anyone?

No, I love someone. I can feel it, and I know the feeling. But who do I love? Her, or him? Both? Neither? If I do love someone… how will I know who?

With him, I feel warm. Like he is a blanket that will protect me from the world. He is comforting, and gentle. Being with him is summer evenings where you feel happy for no reason, winter mornings where hot chocolate chases away the snow. He is your bed after a long day, a hug when you are sad, clouds that look like perfect shapes. Days that are warm but not hot, chilly but not cold. He is freshly baked chocolate chip cookies and the comforting smell of home. He is everything sweet with a little bit of bitter as well, like you’ll miss him when he’s gone, but you don’t need him.

With her, though… she is fireworks in the summer, bursts of color across a blank canvas. She is flames, heat, hot summer days where you feel alive. She is a burst of adrenaline and the quick beat of your heart, fast and exciting. She is the exhilarating feel of terror when you are almost caught the first taste of alcohol, night drives with blasting music. She is that guilty feeling of laughing at and making dirty jokes, the smirk of an inside bit of humor, the genuine laugh when someone says something funny. She is breathless, magic, sweet and spicy and sour all at once. She’s intoxicating, hard to leave and impossible to get over.

I love them both. In different ways. And that’s okay. Love is different for different people. He is more of a best friend that I can rely on anytime, and she is something special that will eventually settle down. Love is complicated, but it is also wonderful. There are so many kinds of it, sweet love, sour love, friend love, family love, fleeting love, eternal love, and more. But all of it is valid, and all of it is important.

Happy pride month all, and remember that all love is special, and to keep on loving, in whatever way works for you ❤️❤️