I stare at Axel until tears blur my vision. I fall to the ground. I must look like a mess. Such a mess. An embarrassing pile of awfulness.

I feel Axel and Ian’s eyes staring at me, waiting for me to do something other than cry like a little kid. I don’t know what to do, though. Fucking Ian. This is all his fault.

“I-I’m just gonna walk home now…” Axel mumbles as he hurries off.

Ian stays. He knows he’ll get punished if he returns home without me. But part of me thinks he doesn’t want to leave me in the middle of the road crying. He pulls me to the curb and crouches next to me.

“So, uh… Ibi and Ax-“

“SHUT UP, YOU FUCKING BITCH!” I shriek. He stares at me, startled. “THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! WHAT I WOULD GIVE TO NOT HAVE YOU!”

I instantly know I’ve made a mistake.

“You know what? I don’t care if Father punishes me! It’ll be better than staying you!” Ian yells.

“Wait, Ian! Don’t leave!” I race after him, but he’s faster. It doesn’t matter. We’re not far from home. But I still try to catch up to him.

I feel sick. This is why I don’t run. My stomach turns. It feels as if it’s doing acrobatics. I fall to the ground again, clutching my stomach. Ian has my backpack. He has my medicine.

I stagger back home. I peek into the parlor to find Father lecturing Ian. Ian has a flat expression on his face, unfazed by the yelling. I hurry upstairs to my bedroom and topple over onto my bed, dampening the old strawberry-themed sheets with tears.

I hate both of you.

/Knock! Knock!/

“What do you want, stupid?” I ask.

“Oh. Mean. Fadder thay go to thtudy,” says my two-year-old brother Wolfgang.

“Tell Father just a moment, please,” I mumble.

“But Fadder thay now.”

I sigh. “Okay, fine.”

I stand up and wipe away my tears. Father can’t know I was crying. He’s probably going to punish me for doing whatever Ian told him I did. If he sees me crying, he’ll just add to it.

Ian throws my backpack at me as I pass him on the stairs. I shoot him a look and continue my way to Father’s study. Father waits patiently, his fingers laced together. I step in cautiously.

“You wanted me, sir?” I say quietly.

“Yes. Eet has come to my attention that you had… minor deeveeculties on your commute home,” he says. “Who ees dis boy Ian speaks of? Axel?”

I hesitate.

“Speak to me, girl!”

“A-Axel is… n-new at school. He sits next to m-me in first period. H-He’s a… friend…”

“I do not vant you engrossed een secular vriendsheeps, daughter. Now leave.”

I nod.

The next day at school, Axel avoids me. He doesn’t even look at me. It’s for the best. I can’t be in a secular friendship with him.

And besides, I hate him.

Yet I still want him to just glance at me. To just cast the tiniest look in my direction.

“Stop bothering yourself with him, Ibi,” Ian tells me at lunch. “I mean, I can still be friends with him. I think he’s pretty chill with that. And because he’s my friend, I can invite to walk home with me.”

“Lille tæve.”

I take a bite of the ill-tasting food and swallow and then a bite of Ian’s chocolate that Axel supposedly gave him.

“Guess I can’t really sing anymore, considering how Axel doesn’t like you anymore. I mean ‘Ibi and Axel hating each other, H-A-T-I-N-G’ doesn’t sound /too/ bad, but it’s not catchy. I guess I could…” I stop listening to him.

The dismissal bell rings. I go to find Ian, wherever he might have wandered off to during class. I wait until I know the restroom is empty and poke my head in to find Ian sitting on the ground with one of his friends. I’m pretty sure this kid’s name is Donny or something.

Donny looks up at me groggily, a cigarette butt in his mouth. “The girl’s bathroom is across the hall, dipshit.”

I frown and pull Ian out. “Tag fat i dit lort.”

“I really hate when you two speak alien. Bye, Ian! I love you! Marry me! Fuck me, Ian!” Donny calls.

“Shut up, bitch!” Ian yells.

“Go find better friends,” I say as I pull him to his locker.

“I did. His name’s Axel.” Ian pulls his backpack from his locker. “And he’s waiting for us outside.”

This time, it’s Ian who’s pulling. He pulls me outside and we all three of us start heading home.

/I hate you./

Ian positioned himself on the left of Axel so I would be on the right. I hate him, too. But not as much as I hate Axel.

“Can we take a detour today? I can’t smoke ‘cuz my mom’ll get mad at me, but I’d gladly come!” Axel says. He hasn’t been paying me any attention.

“Yeah, sure. This way, everyb-“

I push Axel aside and grab Ian’s hair. He scratches at me but I hang on tight. “No detours today, brother.”

“Oh, but I wanted to go meet Donny. Ian says he’s nice,” Axel complains. I shoot him a look but my face still starts to heat up.

“And he’s a little gay bitch!” Ian adds.

“Yeah, so you aren’t coming home drunk, smelling of marijuana, and fucked,” I say flatly.

“Ohhh, this detour sounds… interesting,” Axel says. “I can’t drink, either. Or get fucked. Mom won’t like that.”

“Hey, I bet Ibi wants-“

I yank on my brother’s strawberry-blonde hair.

“OW, WHAT THE HELL?”

I shrug.

“Ugh. Fine. I’ll say something else. Hey, Axel, I bet Ibi wants to hang out with you or something.”

I feel my face turn a bright red color.