"So let me get this straight. You're The Author of My Life," I questioned. It came off as more of a statement than a question.

It adjusted its glasses and nodded its head. "Indeed Mr. Nelson."

"You're a fucking squirrel," I snapped.

"Is that a problem?" The squirrel questioned, as he continued to type on his typewriter.

"I mean. It's not really a problem, but I just figured if someone was writing out my ENTIRE life it would be a human being, or a God...not a squirrel."

"Most squirrels are Life Authors." He raised a tiny fist to his mouth and cleared his throat. "To be fair, squirrels and crows."

I narrowed my eyes. "Squirrels and crows are Life Authors, as in they write out people's lives from beginning to end."

"That is correct Mr. Nelson."

I scoffed, bringing my hands to my hips as my brain struggled to compute the information I'd just received.

"Did you ever wonder why there were so many squirrels and crows in the world? You humans just took them for granted, but they were always around for a reason." He paused. "To see their works play out."

"I guess I'm just surprised. You know? We're all led to believe that there's a God or a higher power of some sort. It's just a lot to take in that our lives are being written out by squirrels and crows."

The squirrel shrugged his shoulders and went back to typing on the typewriter. "If you really boil it down though, does a God or a higher power make that much sense?"

"I guess not. I was never really one for religion." I paused and watched as he typed away on the typewriter. "I guess I have you to thank for that."

The squirrel gave a nod and a grunt to acknowledge my acknowledgment.

"Why a typewriter?" I questioned.

"Data Privacy."

"Right...I guess that makes sense."

The squirrel's little hands sped up on the keys, his eyes darting frantically from left to right. He looked like a tiny robot moving at light speed and I half expected him to smoke and burst into flame. He typed and typed and then he stopped. He pulled the paper from the top of the typewriter and set it on a stack of papers to his right.

"Is that my life you just wrote out?"

He shook his head. "Oh no, Mr. Nelson. Each squirrel and crow has hundreds if not thousands of clients."

I gave another nod. "Alright...so what am I doing here, why were you looking for me?"

The squirrel smiled and scurried around the typewriter, he sat at the edge of the table, his little feet dangling off the side with his tail in between. "Mr. Nelson. Are you happy with your life?"

Now there's a question I never expected to hear from a squirrel. He sat there, cupping his tiny head in his tiny hands, his piercing little eyes fixated on me.

"Please be honest with me Mr. Nelson." Said the squirrel.

I let out a sharp exhale, and shrugged my shoulders. "I mean not really if I had to be honest."

"And why is that? What have I done wrong?"

"Well for starters I'm pushing thirty and I'm still living with my Mom and Dad, that's kind of embarrassing. I'm stuck in a dead-end job that has no foreseeable future. I still have no idea what I want to do as a career which scares the living shit out of me. I'm horrible with women and my sex life is a joke. I have severe confidence issues and I'm socially awkward in almost every situation,"

I paused, watching the squirrel's head bob up and down with each bullet point as to why my life sucked. "Is that all?"

"I guess...off the top of my head."

The squirrel clapped his hands together. "Well, Mr. Nelson you're in luck. I'm going to change three things in your life today."

"What, like a genie?"

"If that's how you want to observe it then fine. But, let me be clear, these aren't wishes."

"So any three things in my life and you'll up and change it? Like if I wanted one of them to be a steady career, or another to be my dream job...boom taken care of?"

The squirrel nodded his head. “Precisely Mr. Nelson. This is a big decision, the biggest in your life. What three things would you change? Why would you change them? How would those repercussions effect other aspects of your life?”

The squirrel paused, the room falling deathly silent around us.

“Take your time Mr. Nelson, and please…choose carefully.”