I paced back and forth in what was once my marital bedroom, a cognac in hand, and nerves shaking me to my core.

   I should have never went to that shopping center, I should have never been in that men’s section. I should have never met _him_. 



   I met Damien while searching for new shirts for my husband, Justin. Damien was like a fresh of breath air, he made me laugh, he was so handsome, and the way he said my name made my brain light up. I fell for him instantly, so instantly it was almost dangerous. 



  Justin had become a boring play thing, at first he was demanding, forcing, playful. Until I caught him with another woman at a restaurant one evening. She was beautiful, a model if I’d ever seen one. Dressed to the nines and definitely not a client. As soon as I spotted him, he saw me too, giving me a stupid, deer in the headlight look. The conundrum barely registering in his inebriated head. 



  I just walked out, ignoring the entire world around me. I didn’t care, truly, he was just another person to me. Easy to ignore, no pain or hurt, not even confusion. He came home later that night, but of course I wasn’t there. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of an apology or begging me to stay. When I did finally return, i pretended nothing had happened. It was all I could do to keep from wrecking our lives. The peace we’d created together. It was all finally a charade we could drop. 



    He began catering to my whims as I wanted, giving me anything I desired, but it was never enough. He let himself go in the thirteen years we’d been married, after our parents forced us to be wed at 18. All because of a stupid kiss. 



  _“Kisses lead to children, Amelia. You should have known better before you shacked up with that no good boy.”_

I hated him. I had always hated him. The kiss was just a stupid dare from some dumb friend 14 years ago, I still resented her to this day, she knew forced marriage was common for so many, she was my best friend, or I thought she was. She ran away to another country some five years ago, after stealing almost one hundred thousand dollars from her husband’s company. I tipped off the country in question about her visa and she was deported back here to face the consequences, now she’s sitting in some jail right now. Sometimes I envied her. At least she was away from her ex husband.

Damien was just everything I wanted in a man, career driven, Handsomer than what should be deemed legal, not wanting a marriage.

He was just the right type to sway me. He knew exactly what I needed to hear.

I never meant for it to happen, when he found out I was married, I didn’t think it could get any worse. He wanted me to tell my husband, or he would. I decided to let him. Decided that I didn’t care if Justin found out, there was no physical evidence. I was good at keeping secrets, deleting anything incriminating on his end was a brilliant idea, the bastard only had his word.

But his decision stirred something in me, along with Jailbird. I didn’t want this. I didn’t want the blow up. I didn’t care. I truly didn’t care for him anymore.

He didn’t make me smile, seeing him after work just made me dread the day. I even wished his car would pop a tire or his brakes would malfunction, anything to make him go away. Anything.

But it was me who would have to go away. I stored enough funds over the years to set myself up somewhere outside of the country. Somewhere quiet, I was tired of this small, judgmental community that couldn’t mind its own business.

The letter was the hardest part. What did I want to part with? “I hate you and you’re a loser?” No, that wouldn’t do me good. I figured I just write out my truth. I had already packed my bags into my car. Passport, important documents, anything I needed to ensure I could leave properly. I was so ready to end this. My ticket was waiting in the car, London. Call me cliche, but it had always been a dream, I’d even found a job and an apartment for rent. My life was ready to move forward, I just had one last thing.

I picked up the pen. Hand no longer shaking, anxiety no longer in the background of my mind.

 _“Dear Justin, _

__

_ This shouldn’t come as a surprise to you. I’m leaving you. I just can’t do the whole facade anymore, in a way, I’m glad you had your affair, she truly looks beautiful and seems kind. I hope you find happiness one day. I have already found mine. _

__

_ I’m not writing this because I feel bad, I’m writing this to explain you should have divorced me as soon as both our parents died, as soon as we got as far away from them as we could, why would you make me a victim in your faults? I need you to know, I never loved you. I can’t even apologize as I feel no reason to. I don’t feel guilt for leaving, I feel worse for staying in a loveless, childless relationship. You couldn’t even give me the one thing I wanted, all because you didn’t want to deal with a pregnant wife. Well that won’t be an issue anymore. Goodbye, Justin. I truly wish you well. I hope you find peace one day and understand why I needed to disappear. I already told the police I was voluntarily leaving, so don’t bother with calling them. All my friends know what you did, and they are supportive of this, even knowing they will never see or hear from me again. That’s the only thing I regret, letting you take everything from me. I have hated you for so long, resented you so deeply I almost begun to hate myself. Thank you for the wake up call_

__

- Amelia

__

_P.s. _

__

_Found your viagra, i accidentally flushed it down the toilet. Take care.” _

__ _ _There. Done. Justin wouldn’t be home till late, or probably not at all. My phone number was already disconnected and my existing forms of social media were deleted. Meeting Damien was the best thing ever. I wanted to write him a letter too, but I didn’t even care for him much either.

I took one last look around the room. It was almost like two complete strangers lived in here. I thought marriage would be beautiful, but it’s just a lie like everything else. I made my peace, I hope he makes his.

I headed for the airport, stopping along the way at a hotel, and taking a taxi from there, I needed to cover my tracks as best as I could. I was so excited to be away from this place.

The airport was bustling with people. Then I saw her. The same woman my husband was with, none other than with my husband on her arm. Luckily they didn’t spot me this time. I knew he said he had a business trip coming up, but I didn’t bother to pay attention to the details, and from the looks of it, he was only flying within the country, no customs clearance in sight.

I sighed with relief as I made it through the terminal. I headed to a bar for a glass of water and some food, it would be a long flight, I wanted to be rested.

Boarding came and went, and finally, I was staring over the night sky, by the time my husband returned, I’d be far, far away.