A million thoughts

A million words

A million songs

A million verbs

They run into each other, never letting the other one end, flowing & overlapping until there’s just chaos.

The background noise is just- there. There’s no silence.

She sits, stuck in the chair, stuck standing, stuck just thinking, stuck staring into space. Honed in on something, but it’s never the right thing.

She can never concentrate, & it’s completely my fault.

She gets suddenly frustrated at the fact that she just wasted five hours doing literally nothing. Her mom will yell at her again for not being productive.

She didn’t go out w/ her family, bc she didn’t feel like it. They were going to go to a restaurant she’d been wanting to go to again, but at the last minute changed their mind to a restaurant right across the street from the store she was willing to go to.

She just wanted to drive. & shop. & eat at one of the restaurants she’s been asking to go to for a while. But it’s 4:30, she’s not hungry, & after telling her first to clean up the college mail, then to stop talking out loud to no one, then if she wants to go to her preferred restaurant, _now_ they’re saying where they’re going & asking if she wants to come?

The answer’s no. Hard pass. The real answer’s I don’t know… *incomprehensible noise of irritation & tiredness*

Yeah… no.

You had your chance. You could’ve had her. She’s not really picky… until she’s annoyed, & then there’s only one option where she’ll say yes.

But that’s only if you’ve annoyed her.

Oh, there’s so many _wonderful_ symptoms that I bug her w/ on a daily basis.

RSD (rejection sensitivity dysphoria)

Executive function disorder

Always having a chaotic brain

Procrastination (not sure if there’s a different cause)

Restlessness

Easily distracted

Never enough dopamine to do something

Always forgetting something

Never being able to focus on the person who’s talking to you

Interrupting someone’s story as a way to connect

Starting & not completing tasks

I wonder when it’ll all go away…