Sirens blaring outside.

Lights from the police cars flashing through the windows.

The lockdown alarms going off.

Doors locked.

To much going on.

My head hurts. I can’t breathe. I’m starting to feel trapped in this office that I’m not supposed to be in.

I’m here for my regular therapy session. But before I could even get to the stairs to go upstairs to my therapists office, the alarms went off saying we need to get ourselves in a room that locks. So I went to the first door I saw. It was another mental health counselor’s office. They couldn’t do anything about it because we are under lockdown.

This had to happen on the worst day possible. My mental health is already messed up and that’s why I’m seeing a therapist, but there are four bodies in this already crapped office, that’s including my own, that is causing me to feel claustrophobic. Add the sounds and chaos thats going on it makes me not feel safe. Then again, when do I feel safe? The way my mind works it makes me overthink and that sends me down darks paths that aren’t exciting in my life. It’s annoying.

The noise is overwhelming me. I can’t breathe.

I’m going to die, aren’t I? There’s a murderer on the loose and that’s what this lockdown is for. Someone with a bomb is here.

I’m sure it’s fine. I’m sure it’s nothing.

I’m really starting to not be able to breathe now.

Breath, Tull. Breathe. Everything is fine.

The counselor notices me, “put your head between your knees. You’re on the verge of a panic attack.”

She comes over to me to help me focus on the current moment and only the room.

“Focus on us here. Not on what’s out there.”

I do. I feel my breathing evening out now.

“Thank you! You didn’t have to do that though.”

“It helped you right?”

“Yeah” I guess it did.

“These are my patients, Brandon and Lisa. I’m Jenna. What’s your name?”

“Tullivan, although people just call me Tull for short.” I respond although it came out so quiet I’m not quite sure they heard me.

“Well Tullivan, what brought you here to the clinic today? That is if you don’t mind me asking. I’m just trying to make conversation since we are kind of stuck in the same room.” Brandon says.

“I’m seeing a therapist on the second floor and I’m wanting to adjust my mental health and put myself down a better path because it has led me to do crazy things and react in crazy ways.”

“Out of respect I’m not going ask, even though I really want to. Brandon and I are here for siblings counseling. We had it rough growing up and it messed up how we connected to each other so we are wanting to reconnect in a different way and hopefully strengthen our bonds we have with each other in place of our place trashy attitudes towards us.” Lisa says to add to the conversation.

We go quiet for a few minutes. The alarms go turn off, making the since even more pronounced. However we are told to stay where we are until an officer comes and gives us the all clear.

I begin to pay attention to the cramped room again and still hear the now more distant sirens of the police cars. My breathing becomes fast and sporadic. My heart speeds up. The rooms feels like it’s closing in on me. Jenna, Brandon, and Lisa become blurs in my vision as does everything else. I begin to panic. My panic attack feels like it’s going to come on strongly.

I feel a hand on my shoulder.

“Hey, hey. You’re safe. Everything is fine now. You can calm down.” I hear Dr. Gyles saying. I didn’t even realize he came in.

“When did you get down here?”

“I knew you’d be panicking about this so as soon as the whole building we freed from the lockdown and we were free to leave our rooms, I came looking for you and figured you’d just walked in when the alarms went off. So I started looking in the rooms down here first. Glad I found you when I did, because you looked like you were going to pass out from your panic attack.”

“Thank you for recognizing my mental health ways and how I would’ve reacted.”

“Now let’s go back to my office and go on with our session, shall we?”

“Yes, please!” I’m glad to get out of that cramped room.