Actual TW. Idek anymore. I feel sick.

I _prayed_.

I actually fucking _prayed_.

I sat with God, or the universe.

Anyone who would listen.

_And prayed._

Even when I was younger

Seven in a holy white dress

I would never ask for anything

in my prayers

I would just sit with God

So I sat with them today

Told them to feel what I'm feeling

Just for a second

The desire to amputate my arms

The ants on my spine

The ice through my heart

The bugs in my ears

The thoughts in my mind

The blood on my hands.

In my hands.

_Can you feel it too?_

I asked. _Your sins outnumber mine._

_Can you feel the weight of it?_

_Can you smell the metallic sting?_

_The leaches calling?_

_Do you feel as dirty as I?_

_As impure? _

Do you see the lives lost for your throne?

Because I see the lives lost

For the things I own

Remenants of skin and bone

Tucked away in my iPhone

From kids and 'workers'

In lands far away

Distance does not make them any less human

And knowledge or a lack of

Doesn't make me less of a killer

God, why would you put a corpse in my phone?