“I think I just met the happiest person in the world!”

“Why do you think that?” My boyfriend asks me absently as he continues to flip through his New York Times. Honestly who still gets an actual paper newspaper anymore. But that’s him, old school til the end.

“It was a guy, a pretty attractive guy, honestly.”

I add a little inflection to my voice hoping he’ll get the hint.

“Uh huh” is his only response.

“He was walking through the park, stark naked.” I finish excitedly.

At that his head snaps in my direction. I bet the news paper isn’t so interesting now is it?

“Naked?” He asks. His attention now solely on me.

“Yes. Naked, with a shlong practically to his knees. I could barely take my eyes off of it.” I say with a little laugh.

“Oh really.” His eyes are slits now.

“Yes. I’ve never seen anything like it. Thank god you don’t have that problem” I say with a shake of my head. I’m barely containing my laughter now.

“Wouldn’t want that” his response is short. That how I know he’s getting irritated. Andrew is an arguer. Some of our best sex comes after some particularly heated arguments. But when he is really about to lose his temper he gets quiet, like now.

“But anyway, before the cops came and took him away, for public indecency of course, he told me how happy he was and how freeing it was to live without the constraints of clothes. He says he’s never been happier.” I’m getting excited all over again thinking about it.

“He recommended a nudist retreat that I should go to. So I can understand how freeing it is to live that way for a while. He told me to give him a call in about 30 days. That’s when he’s supposed to get out of county lock up.”

I finish this by bouncing excitedly on our sofa. Andrew hasn’t budged.

“Let me get this straight. You met a naked guy at the park, stared at his dick long enough for him to invite you to an orgy after he gets out of jail” When he says it like that, it sounds ridiculous. “And you want me to what, kiss you on the cheek and wish you fun while you’re on your way out to a gangbang? He finishes with a frustrated grunt.