POEM STARTER
Submitted by herariesmoon
Begin a story or poem with “Every day seems the same”.
There Are Fire Ants In My Brain.
A throbbing, pounding, at my temples. A deep, muscular ache behind my eyes. The light burns and the sounds deafen. And yet, I am fine.
My collection of medications, all to manage the symptoms, grow as a concerning lack of professionals show any concern. This is fine.
It’s the medication, you say, as if my life should be less comfortable because of my brain. As if I can will myself to overcome. As if three decades of struggle can be defeated to alleviate the annoyance my experience is having on you. You’re fine.
But I sit on the floor of my bathroom in tears. Not because of the pain, but because of my fear.
The fear that this is it. This is all I will be. This is all I could be. A miserable wreck, dependant on drugs. Dependant on others. Dependant on love.
The fear that I’ve not done enough. Done enough in my life, done enough to improve it. Maybe you’re right. I should have gone on more runs or lived like you do. As if my bones didn’t ache and my stomach not spew.
The fear it’s either my head or in my head. They don’t sell replacement parts, they can’t cure the dead.
Because what is worse: an illusion of pain or a lack of a brain? Either way, it’s disfunctional. Illusions of delusions fog the eyes of my already blurred vision.
But beside the pain, a deep rage. Rage that no one heard my pleas. As if coming for help was done with such ease. As if feeling like shit was done with intent. As if you’d wish only my annoying begging could relent.
It’s been over a decade since this reared its head. I often wonder how much longer I have till I’m left for dead. So, for now, we keep going. Chugging through life without ever knowing. Only aware that because of the pain, everyday is the same.
Comments 1
I’ll proof read this tomorrow if my headache stops lol