When Linda first died, her atheist beliefs shattered, but she didn’t land in hell and heaven. She appeared on a game show called, “Don’t Die In Lava!”

At this point, full well knowing that she died, she wanted nothing to do with the lava that flowed below the obstacle course. She’d fallen several times and had her new body burnt and then replaced.

This American Ninja Warrior nightmare threw contestants into a gauntlet with three challenges.

1) A balance beam with missing sections.

2) A thorny lattice fence covered in roses to climb.

3) A section of three trapeze to swing from while dodging a giant red crocodile that snapped at moving targets.

She stared at the trapeze. “If I could only avoided the crocodile.” She felt her stomach. “I’m just so hungry!” Looking beyond the crocodile, she saw the prize. A buffet stacked to the brim for the victors.

She ran across the balance beam quickly. She eyed the fence and braced herself before she stared climbing. Her hands stung from the thorns; blood trickled from her fingers and feet as she scaled the fence.

Reaching the top, her hands and feet felt weak. Her body’s lack of nourishment played a bigger role in the trapeze. She grabbed the first one, swung to the second, and while swinging to the third, the crocodile’s bite came up as she pulled her body up higher on the trapeze for the first time.

The crocodile bit off the rope and handle, but she still had momentum as she released her hand and reached for the third trapeze handle. Her fingers barely reach the handle as she swung towards the prize buffet.

She cried out. “Bacon! I love you!” She always believed they would have breakfast food.

Her body almost reached the goal when she felt a shadow behind her.

The crocodile jumped back out of the lava and targeted her, his eyes sparkled with tears of joy as he almost captured his meal. His jump ended short. He fell back into the lava with a splash.

She released the trapeze and her body landed face down on the goal platform. She stood up and ran into the meal hall, and grabbed a plate.

Looking through the food, she found herself finally full but never quite satisfied. She decided, although knowing it neither heaven or hell, that it was close enough to hell because the buffet didn’t serve any form of pork.