So first off, before I get into the whole mess you have probably read about, you need to know I was born in Bottom Hole, Arkansas which doesn’t mean much unless you have actually been to Bottom Hole, Arkansas. It’s the last ranked “city” in the state that is last ranked in pretty much anything that gets ranked and while I love my neighbors and my family, they are still in Bottom Hole.

So anyway, I was working at the Walmart down the four lane in Forrest City and dating Billy Bob Duncan the produce manager when the whole superpower thing hit me slap bang on the head. I woke up on my twenty-first birthday and when the alarm went off I flew out of bed. I mean I literally flew out of bed and ended up face down on the floor. From that craziness it just got, well, I can’t say better, but maybe stranger is the word. I can lift a Ford pickup with one finger, and last Tuesday I picked up a whole herd of the Martin’s dairy cows when they broke down the fence and were wandering down the road. I keep finding all kinds of weird things I can do.

Billy Bob broke up with me the night we came out of the movie theater and it was snowing so when he got in his truck I just picked it up with him in it and flew us back to his house. He told me he appreciated the thought, but he really couldn’t see himself with a girl who was stringer than He was. That like to broke my heart but was the push I needed to get the heck out of Bottom Hole and go where I’d be appreciated.

I picked Atlanta because it was the biggest city in the deep South and I figured they could use all the help they could get, what with the crime rate and people being upset all the time from being stuck in traffic for hours. I figured I could start by clearing up traffic jams and such just to see where that led.

Well! Where it led is to worlds of hurt….for me! I went off flying my first Friday afternoon when Interstate 75 is like a moving parking lot, and when I saw my first jam, I just started picking up cars and moving them to some big open field. I mean, I had never seen a baseball stadium! I just saw grass and a place to put the cars. How was I to know most of that traffic problem was due to cars trying to get to the Braves game and I caused a huge muddle. On top of that, the State Highway Patrol and the Atlanta FBI were waiting there for me when I set down my fifteenth car.

So I am now sitting in jail charged with, gosh, several crimes. They had a hard time coming up,with a charge since there is nothing on the books that says it’s a crime to pick up cars and fly them to other places. They finally decided in hijacking; you know like those terror guys do with planes? They didn’t seem at all sympathetic when I tried to tell them I was only helping.

I could easily break my way out of here and fly back to Bottom Hole but I don’t want to hear Billy Bob telling me I should have just ignored my superpowers and stay the nice,sweet, Walmart checker he knew and loved. So I’ll stay here tonight and fly off tomorrow. I hear New York has a whole passel of weirdos and i’d fit right in.