“I don’t know why. I just couldn’t help myself.” My shoulders shrug while looking at Dane, who has the look he gives me everytime he thinks I’ve done something asinine. The same furrowed brow and pouted lips that I fell in love with twelve years ago.

“So you took the hickory honey ham out of her grocery cart?” His voice rises, fueled by disbelief, with each syllable.

“It was the last one!” I exclaim while Dane grabs Annabelle’s stuffed elephant with one eye and playfully chucks it at me.

“I can’t believe you ruined a granny’s Easter!” He says through a fit of laughter. That’s what I love the most about Dane, his ability to affirm my impulsive ways. There’s not a day that goes by while I’m not thankful that I get to wake up next to the guy with the five o’clock shadow and faded brown hair that saved me from myself.

“Better for that granny’s Easter to be ruined than Annie’s.” If I wouldn’t have gotten that ham for mom that might’ve been the straw that broke the camel’s back. For 35 years now she’s had to deal with all of my antics: the boys and beer I would sneak in during high school, the men and malört I would sneak in during college, the three weddings I called off at the last minute, my short stint on Survivor 56, and the constant fear that her dream son-in-law is going to leave in the middle of the night because of me.

“You’ve got a point there John,” he gives me a kiss, our stubble rubbing against each other. He’s wearing his pale pink suit and I’m in my baby blue.

“Daddy and Papa, look what the Easter bunny got me!” Annabelle exclaims with the whistling sound from the gap in her teeth. She’s in a plaid light green knee length dress and her favorite yellow converse.

She shows us her new stuffed animal, a bright blue elephant that Dale spent fifteen minutes in Target picking out.

“Look at that,” I say, “Elle’s got a new friend now.” She smiles but it drops when she starts looking around living room.

“Wait, where is she?” She waddles towards the coffee table. “She was right here.” Her mouth starts quivering. I was told the terrible twos were the worst, but there’s something about the ferocious fives that causes me constant fear. I quickly rummage around the couch until I find it. I clumsily hand it to her.

“You can thank your papa for throwing it at me.” She hugs Elle in one arm and her new friend in the other.

“Papa, you said I couldn’t throw anything.”

He squats down to where he’s eye level and whispers something in her ear. She gives that mischievous grin while he whispers, the grin says they’re plotting against me. She hands him Elle and on they count down from three before throwing both at my chest. I play along and act like I’m dying a slow, painful, sacrificial death.

After I’ve slithered from the couch to the ground, I lay there with my eyes closed and tongue sticking out. I hear the clogging of Annie slowly making her way towards me.

“Dad, Papa said we’re gonna be late for church.” After staying still for a few moments she pokes my belly and I scream and grab her quickly, which causes her to scream before she starts laughing.

“I’m telling grandma,” she says before planting a kiss on my cheek.

“Don’t worry babe, I got your back.” Dane grabs my hand as we get ready to leave. My perfect family that I always dreamed of.