Keeping Hope

Everything is dark. Where am I. I...can’t remember. I’m...tired. There’s tapping on the window. The rain. I was…..driving. Someone….is saying something….crying. They’re too far away. Maybe if I just close my eyes….

“This is all your fault!” “I’m sorry...I’m worthless...I...I can’t do anything right.” Ack, my head. Why does it hurt so much. Wait, I’m in a car. There’s….two men in the front….fighting. “Why did we ever let you take the wheel?! What half of this stupid road we can see through this stupid rain is useless because you can never stop your stupid self-pity and bawl at everything that happens to us!”

Their faces, they’re both bloody. What happened to them. “You think I want to be like this?... A constant disappointment?... I try and I try…but I just can’t get it right...I’m the reason she’s left us alone...and now this...I just don’t know what to do anymore.” My eyes. I can feel them. Why am I crying. The voice from’s louder now...but still so far away.

“Stop it the both of you!” A third one, he’s sitting next to me. He looks...different than the others. Stronger...but exhausted. His breathing is heavy. “We have to stop pointing fingers. We’re going to get out of this okay I promise, but only if you two calm down. Let me take the wheel and I’ll keep us safe.”

“Oh shut up! How’re you going to do anything? You couldn’t even stop this sorry excuse from taking the wheel anymore. You’re just as much to blame as he is. Now move! Get out of that seat!” “I...I’m trying...but...I can’t stop shaking…” “Get out right now before I rip you from that bloody seat myself!” “Ow ow ow stop pulling...I’m trying…I’m trying…” Their arguing, why is it making me so mad. They both just need to shut up. The’s clearer’s calling to me...

“I said you both need to stop!” There’s a flash of white. The one sitting next to me, he’s driving now. What did he do, he’s breathing even harder now. “There, I can still get us through this. We’re going to be okay, I promise.” The others, where did they-- ”You won’t keep us back here for long!” Behind me. It’s dark, I can hardly see them. “You’re getting weaker, you won’t be able to throw us back forever!” “I don’t need forever. Just until she’s grown up. I can keep us going until then. Stacy needs me to.” Stacy...the voice….

“Daddy. Wake up, daddy. Daddy, please.” Ack my head. We must’ve veered off and hit a tree. Stacy, thank god, she’s not hurt. “I’m okay Stacy. Give me your hand. Daddy’s here, don’t worry. We’re going to be okay, I promise.”

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