The storm door creaked open slowly, the faint squeal was only audible for those of us in the basement. The humidifier drowned out much of the noise by this mysterious intruder. I lay ever watchful on this cold basement floor, useless, to alarm my beloved Toymaster Jake or Jake’s Toymaster’s, Mom and Dad.

As this stealthy figure moved closer towards me, their flashlight danced back and forth, up and down, around the crowded unkept room I called home.

The dark figure wearing all black finally spotted the steps leading to upstairs. As he slowly walked towards the door to go upstairs, the night light revealed something shiny in his waistband. If anything happened to my Toymaster or his Toymaster’s I wouldn’t know what to do.

The sheer carelessness by which he navigated this cold slippery tile floor was most revealing. My mission & purpose in life was finally here. To fulfill my duty as the super hero, action figure, guardian angel I was purchased to be! And every plastic vessel in my muscular physique was in absolute agreement.

At a distance of about 6 sneakers from the bottom step I lay in wait for the intruder, who is almost right on top of me, about to take their last step. So as I lay completely still, I quickly continue to lay there. And boom, the invader steps right on top of me. While I slide across the floor, I watch the intruder as they fall face first. Trying to brace their fall, the soft gloves slide right from under them, and they’re forehead digs right into the metal edge of the bottom step.

As I lay in disbelief not knowing if that fall was going to be enough to keep this evil down, the lifelessness was reassuring. The only thing moving now, was the pool of blood flowing down the tile cracks toward me.

When my Toymaster’s Dad turned on the light, with bat in hand, there I lay covered in blood. He looked down at the intruder, also covered in blood, and he abruptly sat down on the stairs as he slowly let out a “whaaaatt the fuuuuuuu.”