I don’t know what normal is for certain. Just like I don’t know what keeps my Dad so busy, but I know it’s not normal. I know I feel like I should be playing with kids outside, but instead I’m playing with my sister in the, ‘… safety of our own home,’ my dad says. But my life never feels safe and on my dads errands that he runs in the late late hours is when I feel the most at danger. He usually says, “I’ll be back early, lookout for your sister while I’m gone. You the man now. If someone comes through that door you know what to do.” It’s true I do know how to get me and my little sister into space under the cardboard we use as a rug. And it’s not the danger that keeps me up at night. It’s all I really know. I lose sleep wondering will I spend my entire life as the lookout, and even worse will anyone ever spend a night looking out for me.