“It was impossible to describe the sheer terror we felt the first time we died. The finality of it all….it was almost too much to bear”, the patient- our newest John Doe- murmured. His dark eyes were glossed over, trapped deep within a memory he seemed to be reliving over and over again in his mind.

I cleared my throat and shifted my weight from one foot to the other, unsure of how to break him from his trance.

“Um…sir, you pressed the assistance button. Is there anything you need?”, I asked hesitantly. At first, when the patient had arrived, delirious and covered in injuries with no record of his identity, it had been exciting, almost thrilling. My first official day as a nurse in the emergency ward and I would be assigned to the one patient everyone was wanting to get a peek of.

But now, alone in the room with him, I felt uneasy. Perhaps even a little scared.

“We were so young back then. So young and so stupid. Carlton had only been about fourteen, and Maria and I were days away from graduation”, he continued, his voice taking a deeper lilting quality.

“I never should’ve let Carlton drive us home. Maria and I were drunk and desperate and if we didn’t get back home in time for curfew, our parents would ground us”.

I frowned as he continued, curiousity making me edge closer to the bed. Suddenly, a brilliant idea sparked in my mind and I quickly reached for the tiny notepad and pen in the pocket of my scrubs. I flipped to a clean page and jotted down fragments of his story.

- Carlton age 14 and Maria- siblings? Friends?

- Car accident

It was the most information he had given about himself since arriving here. In fact, I had assumed he was entirely mute until he went off on his bizarre speech.

Rather unexpectedly, he cranned his neck towards me and pinned me with those deepset eyes. Though he was looking straight at me, his gaze felt locked on something else; something deeper in my chest that filled me with intense discomfort.

“Have you ever died?”, he asked sharply, still trapping me in his sights.

“I er…what?”, I offered awkwardly, taken aback by the question.

Had I ever died? What did he mean by that?Was the fact that I was standing here before him proof enough that I was alive?

I took a second to scribble quickly again in my notepad:

Drugs?

Possible hallucinogenic leading to a NDE.

He seemed to consider me for a moment longer then shook his head and turned his gaze back to the the doorway.

“It seems you are lucky then to not remember if you have”

He hacked a cough and beat at his chest. I stepped forward to help him but before I could even place my hands on him he stopped and lost himself once more.

“We must’ve died around the same time, because when I entered that place, Carl and Maria were there too”.

His eyebrows then furrowed, face suddenly ashen.

His hands, folded in his lap, began to tremble as he continued.

“It-it was horrible in that place. Not quite hell, but a purgatory all the same. The pain was….god it was unexplainable. Physical and in my head and in my soul- it all hurt so much”.

He swallowed hard and squeezed his eyes shut. When he snapped his sights back towards me I had expected it this time, almost knowing he would address me once more.

“That was the first time we died. When we were reborn we were….we were not us. We were no longer even related anymore, but somehow we found each other again”, he added.

I crossed out the word ‘friends’ that I had jotted down earlier and circled the word beside it: siblings.

“The second time Maria died first. Cancer. But by the time Carl and I followed her she was still in that place. She had..”, he cleared his throat and swiped at his glistening eyes.

“She had been in that place, experiencing that pain for forty years until Carl and I joined her again”.

He paused, and that pause turned into an extended silence. I waited patiently, eager for him to continue his intriguing story. It wasn’t like I actually believed him- clearly this guy wasn’t right in the head. But something about his story felt so genuine, so heartfelt and so real. Even if it wasn’t true, it was clear that he believed it was.

“And? I’m guessing you were born again because you’re here today”, I said, too enraptured by his story to let it go unfinished.

The notes I was taking earlier were now long forgotten, no longer an immediate interest to me.

He laughed, but it was humourless and hollow.

“Yes. I was reborn again. This body is the fifth and I do not doubt it will be the last”, he answered.

“And Maria and Carl? Have they been reborn again?”, I asked, almost wanting to reprimand myself for encouraging his ludicrous story.

His expression grew grim and his jaw tightened.

“They have. We always find each other eventually, and when we do all those memories come back, all the lives we’ve spent together. But this time is different”.

I frowned and cleared my throat, a restless feeling uncoiling in my gut. I wanted to stay frozen to the spot and hear him speak, but at the same time I wanted to bolt out of the room and drive run to safety.

“Different? How?”

He looked me dead in the eye, his expression hardening and tone turning dark.

“This time Marissa hasn’t come back and Carl….”, he drifted off, and cocked his head to the side to intently appraise my face.

“Carl what?”, I asked, guessing that he wanted me to ask the question he knew was at the tip of my tongue.

“Well Carlton, I’ve been speaking to you for the past fifteen minutes. Even after telling you everything it seems you have not remembered me”