I move the stick of my car to park, and darkness disappears as the lights in the car glow. They illuminate my face and you start to coo softly. It pains me that you’re so happy when you see me; that you don’t know why we’re here. I love you, I hope you understand that, enough to forgive me for I’m doing. I grab the handle of your carrier and open the door of my car. I pick you up, still cooing even though the darkness returned with the outside air. The journey to get across the street is surreal, as if we are only people on it. The sidewalk arrives and I quicken my pace down it, towards the front porch and glass screen door guarding the house. A light flashes on as my shoes sound against the wooden steps, and your coo returns. So innocent, so sweet. You don’t judge me yet, but you will. My feet reach your destination. I’m sorry I can’t give you a proper goodbye, but the flash of light no doubt shortened our time on this porch alone. I put down your carrier and squat down in front of you, taking in every detail of your sweet face. You hand reaches out to grasp my finger one last time. I love you, but I cannot raise you; I’m barely raised myself. It’s not fair to you to bear the mistakes I made by living a diminished life along with me. You will be better here, I know them and their character. They will be excited to see you. I give you kiss on your forehead; I lean back and cannot draw the force needed to turn around and walk to the dark car. I’ll miss you so much Opal, more than you will think to know. I hear movement inside the house and my senses snap back in to focus and I return quickly to car. I give you one last look as I put my car in drive, I hope I’m making the right choice, though I don’t think I’ll ever know for certain. Goodbye Opal, your coos will grace my dreams and nightmares until the day I die.