February 7

Dear diary,

Today was a big day. We were making cards for the upcoming Valentine’s day. Katy made a big one, it almost fell off the table when she was coloring it. I made a small one and painted it soft pink. I cut the ends with scissors to make it look like laces, but it turned out somewhat awkward. Selina laughed at me because I spent almost twenty minutes on it. She said it looked ugly, like my bald head. What does she know? Her card is covered in silly confetti. I know she’s going to gift it to Alejandro. She says they are dating. Says they kissed and all. I don’t buy it. I don’t know whom to give the card, though. Mrs. Bushnell says it should be someone special. I need to think.

February 12

Dear diary,

I am still thinking about the card. I don’t mind giving it to Max because he is always nice to me and smells like banana marshmallow, which I like. He visited me a few times when I was sick and at a hospital. But I don’t want to be just another one who gives him the card, and I know Katy and Jenny will give their cards to him. And it also would’ve been nice to get a mutual card. I don’t think our boys will give me one. I think I am not pretty enough. My school dress is too long, sometimes it clings to my knees weirdly, I almost fall, and then everyone laughs at me.

Mrs. Bushnell gave me a star for answering all questions at math lesson. At least I’m smart.

February 14

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Dear diary,

Today was an awful day. During recess, I climbed too high on the climbing net. Katy began shaking it. I tried to take another step to the side to clutch the thickest rope, but that stupid dress didn’t allow me to and I stepped off and fell to the ground. Everyone laughed at me, boys and girls. I think even Mrs. Bushnell smiled.

I didn’t cry. I felt clunky and awkward, but I decided not to give them satisfaction. My mom says that we never should give the satisfaction of our tears. They kept mocking me, though. Did not crying make it worse somehow?

I bruised my knee badly. It bled on my white socks, and Mrs. Bushnell called my mom. She picked me up very soon. I thought she would be upset that the socks are ruined and because she had to bring me to her work now, but turned out it was okay. Her colleague, Dr. Bishop, cleared the wound and gave me a lollipop. I thought about giving him the Valentine’s card, but chickened in the end.

While waiting for my mom to finish her shift, I went to the wing where I used to stay until I got better. There typically were many kids, but today there was only a little boy. He was playing Xbox.

We talked a little. His name is Jon, without “h”. He recently was diagnosed with cancer, too. He said it didn’t hurt, but it made him sad and disappointed. His dad left a year ago, just like mine. He and his mom moved here after that, to be closer to his granny. He said both mom and granny are very nice to him, but he still misses his friends a lot and feels alone.

Jon also said he didn’t know if he could beat cancer, but at least he could beat his enemies in the game. I told him the remission was very real, that if I achieved it, he could do it, too. I didn’t want to tell him that everyone keeps pointing fingers at my head while my hair is growing back. He doesn’t have to know the kids can be so mean sometimes. Besides, maybe it’s better for boys.

I told Jon that from now on, I’d be his friend, and gave him my Valentine’s card to cheer him up. I think he deserved it more than anyone else - Alejandro, Katy, Jenny, Max, even Mrs. Bushnell and Dr. Bishop. I think Jon was special enough.