Act 2: Scene 1:

-A small tavern filled with its usual patrons, a barmaid is polishing glasses behind the bar. Archie, an old army leader who defected from the north to fight with the south, sits at the bar alone. In walks Theo.-

Archie: Aha! Pray barmaid, two of yer best for us and haver not. Come prithee ye wee bastar’t and sing yer stories of success, I chance.

Theo: Thus?

Archie: Aye, today mind.

-Theo joins Archie at the bar and sits upon a high stool-

Archie: So, tell me young Theo, dids’t thou witness the great rivers of blood from these savage beasts or lay still and keech yer garments again? -Archie roars into great laughter-

Theo: Scoff. What chance? No monarch army, Road layer or foreign legion could mark upon those hills. Leathered five to one. I know not how to defeat these locals, for they are savage and unyielding. My men are submerged in the pool of doubt before a sword is even unsheathed. Their fears are whetted and then the metallic fog of death fills their lungs. The hills are painted with our crimson waters and those cretins laugh at us as we retire. So hastily our retreat was, the echoes like hysterical ravens followed us for miles.

-the barmaid brings across the tankards of ale for each man and places them on the counter. Theo grasps his and goes to take a sip. Archie grabs the tankard from Theo’s hand and launches it across the pub. Archie leans over the top of Theo and does not blink-

Archie: Tell me, ya wee shite: yer no sitting warming thy belly with ale after permitting the men of the north to laugh at us again are ye? I entreat ye; permit me my boot into thy warm belly and have me go up there to do it myself.

Theo: Stay your hand Archie. I have a renewed and cunning plan.

Archie: Aye? Entertain me then, bastar’t. And if ye use my name again, I will beat ye with my fist until death.

Theo: Sir, the clans are unrested. A local dolt spilled his lungs to my men. The savages fight over land and other matters. We should be patient and-

Archie: PATIENT!? How many full moons hast thou counted with these men, to result not?

Theo: Please sir, I beseech. Should we wait until they resort to the violence they do, and they will, their numbers will be littler and our men can wade in and end their reign.

Archie: Troubled, Theo. I am troubled and ye were bested again and, beset by farmers I should say. Should your tactic prove bereft, my dear Theo, there shall be no quarrel but I shall give ye a sore neck upon that rounded piece of quarry laying upon the grass outside and I shall have the weans punt yer empty heed into the loch. Dos’t I make ma self clear?

Theo: Wholly, sir.

-Archie sits down and begins to drink from his ale-

-Lights dim to spotlight on Theo, voice over commences-

Theo voice over: Whos’t thou to insinuate bastard? You northern filth. Driest dung to be scraped from mine boot serves better purpose on this Earth than thee, great almighty oaf. If mine father heard of this insolence he would have thou head. Drink away beast and return back to thou beast wife too. I dares’t suggest thy own womb bearer be a creature of the swamps too! I will destroy these savage creatures in the north and then I shall return to this mud-hut and find thee doubtlessly slumped across this bar top and I will pierce thee rear with my spear and decorate this tavern with thy remains. See if I do not.

-lights come up again-

Archie: Theo!

Theo: Sir?

Archie: Dreaming of going back to thy mammy to suckle upon the teet of home comforts?

Theo: Nay…

Archie: Oh, then perhaps thou was ignoring me? Perhaps I should cave in thy daft wee face and save the northerners the trouble?

Theo: No, sir.

Archie: Then what more business hast thou for me? Be gone wee bastar’t and show not yer face here again until those savages are cleared. Thoust would do well to not darken this place again or so help me. Be gone I said!

-Theo gritted his teeth and clenched his fist for a moment before standing up and walking out of the tavern-

-Scene end-