It wasn’t something I did everyday, and it wasn’t something I wanted to do everyday either. I walked off of the stage as the crowd clapped me off, probably rushing me away, wishing they didn’t have to listen the sob story of a middle aged women attempting to demonstrate what it meant to live life after death. I locked eyes with Rob, strutting towards me with a proud look on his face. I wasn’t ready to accept his congratulations on the bravery it took to get up there, _it was a brave thing to do and you did it so well. _

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He said just that. It was his attempt to solidify his position as my sponsor, showing me his support and love, but I didn’t want his support and love, the man who’s support and love I wanted, was 10 foot in the ground and no amount of speeches would heal me from that. His death left a pain, a pain so painful it would incapacitate the strongest of people; and I was not a strong person. This speech would be the last time I speak of my husband. And tonight, well tonight, I will no longer need words and memories to have him close.